Wednesday, January 27, 2010


I'm too tired to do much more than say hi.

Dearest one fell on the icy steps two nights ago and landed on his car key which dug into his hand an inch. I would never make a nurse as I just about puked when he showed me the hole it left. He, being in the health care field, took care of it himself because he could. He calmly told me step by step what they would do in ER and did it himself. It must be a guy thing that he thought to himself, while he was yet outside, that he should leave the key in his hand so I could see what it looked like. (It looked cool, don't you know) Then he thought about how he was still in shock and it wouldn't hurt to take the key out unless he left it long enough to get back to the house to show me. I am glad he pulled it out before he came back inside. He was in some kind of pain I tell you. Not fun.

Then, yesterday morning on the way to work, dearest one started showing classic symptoms of having a heart attack. He spent 10 hours being monitored in ER. Good news is it wasn't a heart attack. They have booked him for some tests to see if they can figure out what made his heart go so wonky. At one point during the day I told God it sure would be nice if I saw someone I knew.

A few hours later I went to the gift shop and someone from the fellowship was just leaving it. We stopped and talked, then she gave me a hug and said she would pray. It was a very comforting moment. I told her I knew the only thing I was in control of was my attitude about my reality. I would not know that without hearing it reinforced in a hundred different ways and stories in meetings and then getting chances again and again to experience the truth of it in simple every day situations (like my reaction the idiot driver in front of me) and in situations much more serious (like the possibility that my spouse is having a heart attack). I am grateful that yesterday I was graced with the ability to be calm. I wouldn't have judged myself either had I fallen apart. We are humans, after all, not saints.

We were the fortunate ones yesterday.
Dearest one walked out of the ER on his own steam.
We were right across from the nurse's station for the whole 10 hours and we heard and saw a lot of life happening before us. Prisoners in leg chains, elderly people being checked out after a fall. People in tears, worried about a loved one. People under incredible stress.

From time to time I clean out the billfold part of my wallet. You know those debit slips and receipts that pile up from time to time (another gift in itself because it means I had the means to buy what I needed.) There is only one piece of paper that I always put back in and that is my AA meeting card which is scribbled full of numbers. I knew yesterday that had I felt I needed in person support, if things had gone south in a hurry, I could have called someone and had them come sit with me. That was a great comfort, too.

Hug your loved ones extra tonight. I snuggled up to dearest one's back last night, slipped my arm between his arm and his chest and pulled him close to me. I kissed him between the shoulder blades like I always do, grateful to have him by my side.

11 comments: said...

This was lovely. I'm so glad it -- they -- turned out to be manageable incidents, and I hope the tests turn out all right. Take care of each other (sounds like you do!)

Dianne said...

You are a strong woman, and your spouse is lucky. Prayers are felt in unexpected ways, and gifts are sometimes hidden. I have heard many stories of loss and decline recently, but needed to hear yours. The attitude we choose is the one we have control over.....
thank you for an answer I was waiting for.

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

God be with you and your dearest one today Hope!

Enchanted Oak said...

This was an awesome testament to the power of recovery. You were able to match calamity with serenity, just as the Big Book promises. I heaved a sigh of relief that your dear one wasn't having a heart attack. Was it delayed panic to performing ER duties on himself? :-)

Heidi Renee said...

oh my and oh my!

holding you both in the light today - life can change so dang fast. love to you and lots of prayers.

sending you some of my spoons today!

Kathy M. said...

Wow. What an incredible story. I'm so glad the story had a happy ending.

I wanted to thank you for your comments on my latest question. Your thinking is just what mine had been. Just to reach out with no expectations because I wanted a relationship with my daughter. But then I started feeling like I was forcing things. I'm still sorting it all out. But your comments gave me food for thought. Thank you.

Akannie said...

Oh, Hope!! What a frightening ordeal for you both...I am glad that Creator isn't finished with your beloved yet and that the two of you got to walk out of that hospital together.

Sending love and healing thoughts your way...

How blessed are we????


Unknown said...

Wow, an inch in his hand...OUCH! I am with you I can take a lot of things, but seeing people I love in some form of hurt and pain...I am not good at that.

You always teach me how to help myself and use the steps Hope, and for that I am so grateful, we do truly on have ourselves to help us make the choices for the next right thing, I am glad you had the encounter with your friend, and I like you keep a precious slip of paper in my wallet too!

xo love

Tall Kay said...

What a beautiful reminder of how precious life is and to never take a second for granted. We just never know when God is going to call us home.

Isn't it a wonderful feeling to know God sent you an angel just when you needed one. Saying a prayer for Dear One's heart to remain healthy.

Daisy said...

Poor guy. Ouch and a half about the hand and will certainly keep you guys in my prayers.


Rae said...

Beautiful post, Hope. Perfect ending. I'm still smarting over that key in the hand part though! Ouch. Just a fall on the ice can be a horrible thing. That kind of injury ... priceless?