The Art Form of Sticking One's Foot In One's Mouth

"Tidiness is the art form of the non-creative." ~ wildlife artist Greg Beecham

If there is truth to that quote then judging by my desk pictured above I'm quite creative!

It's bitterly cold here today. So cold the Puglies won't go outside. Last night I took them for one last constitutional before bed and they both sat on their butts trying to get all four feet up in the air at once to keep from freezing. Needless to say I carried them both back to the house, each snuggled under an arm like a football. This morning the windows are frosted up to the tops and the sun is shining through making it seem like I have stained glass windows.

At least the weather gives me something to write about. I've had a full week with little down time. Gone for 12+ hours at a stretch. Three luxurious days lay before me with no plans to venture farther than the yard. Winter makes me feel like hibernating and my cave is rather full of stuff.

Once winter is here to stay, and judging by the snow and cold, it is, I feel closed in on, like my clothes are too tight except it's the house that feels too tight. Invariably this lead to me wanting to open the door and chuck most of my belongings out in a snow drift so I feel like I have more room to stretch. Contrast that with a sunny summer day when I feel like opening doors and windows to let the outside in! Same amount of stuff, same house, way different perspective.

I had a few places to stop yesterday to buy yet more stuff. Winter boots. Greeting cards. I am so grateful for warm boots in this weather. It was a spur of the moment buy as I have boots on order from the catalogue. But I couldn't face taking one more dainty step on snow and ice in my dress shoes. I'd already just about ended going ass over tea kettle coming out of a store the day before and this lead me to walking tentatively ever since. I'm the kind of person who would lay in the snow after a fall, declaring "You don't understand! I had to wait to buy them until they were on sale!" as they loaded me onto a stretcher. And I'd expect applause, too, for that ridiculous behaviour. Oh, come on, you frugal shoppers know exactly what I mean.

So there I was standing in line at the checkout counter, in my new furry lined knee high brown boots, buying a bunch of greeting cards when I put them on the conveyer belt at the exact moment that the clerk started that belt going into overdrive. It was like she was driving a car and her foot was stuck on the gas. I take a lot of time looking for just the right card and one of those cards had been the only one of its kind in the rack and I'd be darned if it was going to get wrecked by jamming up the conveyer belt.

I reached to save it and she just kept her foot on the gas. I grabbed that card and watched as the belt threatened to suck another card into that little space between belt and counter. I felt like I was playing Jacks and was scrambling to pick up the last Jack before the red ball stopped bouncing. At the last minute I grabbed up every last card, narrowly avoiding getting my fingers jammed in there when I said, "You're going to drive me crazy." You ever have that happen? Realize you've said out loud what should have stayed in your head and there is no going back? Not even on a conveyor belt.

The sound of my voice must have startled her because she suddenly let go of the belt drive button. She looked embarrassed to have been caught not paying attention. I was embarrassed to have spoken out loud what I thought I was only thinking. I kept my mouth shut after that for fear of sticking the other of my newly purchased furry boots in my mouth although I do think there's room for me to rest one of them up on my desk. Right beside the catalogue I ordered my boots from to be precise.

Resting

The Yoga Pup stands just like that duckling does between its mama's legs. When he first started doing this I thought he was trying to get through my legs, but no, he just wanted the comfort of being snug between them. I can be washing dishes and suddenly he is standing there or even when I sit at the computer he sometimes wedges himself in. Anytime he is feeling insecure he waits for dearest one or I to stop walking, then he quickly comes and stands between our calves. I can relate to his wanting some tangible security in knowing that he isn't alone. Sometimes I picture myself resting in God's hammock shaped palms when I am feeling out of sorts. I remind myself that all I have to do is rest there.

The other night I had to pick Yoga Pup up off the couch, where he was waiting for dearest one to come home, and pack him to bed. Sometimes we wonder what his story is because he sure has some insecurities. I know that when dearest one comes home today he will go absolutely berserk and chatter like a squirrel to show his excitement. Yes, sometimes we wonder if he isn't another animal in a Pug's body. He plays like a cat, chatters like a squirrel and nestles like a duckling.

Yesterday I went for a walk in the field and the Pugs and the outside dog plus the cat joined me. Rain was falling like a dripping faucet and the earth smelled like decaying leaves. If I closed my eyes I couldn't tell if it was Spring or Fall. I kept stopping just to breathe it all in. All too soon the crop will be too high for me to walk in and I will have to go back to walking on the road. Sharing that space with vehicles makes taking the animals along no fun at all.

The quiet was hard for me yesterday. It brought me an awareness of my online usage that I have been kidding myself about. My house is in need of cleaning not because I need a housekeeper but because I am using my time online instead. I wrote in my journal for the first time in 6 months yesterday. It took several pages before I stopped sounding like I was writing a blog post instead of a journal entry. I am glad to know there really is a difference.

Dearest one has many family members who have no radio, TV or Internet in their homes. They go about their days in silence all the time. Of course one can find distraction anywhere if you're looking for it. I know that. But yesterday was as comforting as it was disconcerting. I'm going to try it more often.

Meanderings

The Puglies are waiting for dearest one to get home. It is nearing midnight. He won't be home until Thursday afternoon. They lay on the couch and watch out the window. Perhaps they will come and sleep in the bed or maybe not. They will be restless until he is home again. There is a rhythm to their days that soothes them.

I was home sick today and will be tomorrow, too. Lovely strep throat is not going away as quickly as I'd hoped. By late afternoon my throat was sore again and my energy waning. I am grateful, though not to have had a reaction to the antibiotics as I am allergic to almost all of them. It will be nice when my appetite comes back.

I had grand, spur of the moment plans today, to go offline and do without TV until Thursday. Sigh. Tomorrow I will follow through with that. Of course that means I am pushing the boundaries until midnight while I can. I was almost asleep several hours ago until the phone rang. Once I get disturbed at that level of near sleep, insomnia is my reward.

I have not had a day of total solitude in longer than I can remember. It will no doubt do me good. I have thought about implementing it as a one day a week habit. It bothers me that the thought of going a whole day without the internet or TV has me feeling a bit panicky. The pull to do it though, and the opportunity to make it happen, is stronger than the panic.

Don't miss the links in the post below this one. They really are worth reading.

Restrain Thyself

The snow has finally stopped. Dearest one tried to drive to work yesterday but came home on the back roads after he felt the tire of the car drop off the edge of the road right when a big truck was passing him. It had been a total whiteout before the truck passed him. Dearest one was gone for half an hour and had only driven a few miles. The Puglies were esctatic when he came home again. Dearest one is the preferred human in our home although they set to howling and making noise when I came home on Sunday. The Yoga Pup sounds like he is a dying car battery when he howls. Just when you think he can't make another howl he gives it a valiant try and the car sounds nearly dead.

I'm off again tomorrow for a ladies' weekend. I'll be one of a dozen women sharing her journey with a great group of women. I just finished trying on the fancy schmancy new dress I bought for the occasion along with new shoes. I am going to take the shoes off as soon as I'm behind the podium. I had to try on the dress because I thought it might not fit. Do you ever have those days? The ones where you wake up and feel like you are a beached whale and are sure you somehow gained 10 pounds while you were sleeping? Then another day you wake up and feel like someone poked your skin like it was a balloon and you fit in your skin again? It is so weird. Most of the time I take that in stride but I had visions of slipping this very pretty dress over my head only to have it get hung up on my hips. It floated right over them which just goes to show me once again that what I think and what reality is don't always match up.

I always keep my chat windows closed on FB. I opened it the other day to try and get only daughter's attention and forgot I did so. This afternoon youngest son sent me a message and chatted with me and it made me feel important in his life. He just wanted to say hi and see how my day was going which was a nice surprise. When I unexpectedly got kicked off the chat thing I just about phoned youngest son to say that I was sorry I got kicked off, I'd be right back, but then realized how ridiculous that would be and gave my head a shake. While I'm not a luddite I sometimes wonder what affect all this technology is going to have on my grandbabies one day. I could have a rant about that but won't. My children are saying, "Thank you Jesus" over my restraint.

Amusing Myself

That's the way the Pugs look when you ask them questions. Dearest one was asking them if they'd had supper. It's a wonder they didn't look at each other and ask, "Have we?" even though it was before noon.

On a totally different note, I've been busy the last few weekends being with a group of women readying ourselves for a retreat at the end of the month. Sharing my story this time around has left me feeling exhausted and vulnerable. I've long believed that the worst of our lives gets redeemed when we share the reality of it with others. That has motivated me to be as honest as possible when I give one of these talks. As I wrote my story I kept in my line of sight this quote attributed to Ernest Hemingway

"All you have to do is write one true sentence.
Write the truest sentence you know."

I don't know how well I did that because one of my friends came up to me on Saturday to talk to me about my story. From what she said she had me on a bit of a spiritual pedestal. That does not enthuse me at all. True, through some really shitty life circumstances, especially this past year, I have learned to hide myself in the shelter of God's wings. That does not negate my humanity though so I looked at her and said,

"Well, there are days when I say to God, You have got to be fucking kidding me."

She laughed and said, "I gave up that word for Lent. My husband told me yesterday that I wasn't doing so well." I told her I had been so tempted to have that line in my talk but we agreed that it probably would have got critiqued out of it had I done so. And then her face relaxed, and we had the most wonderful conversation about life and God and persevering on our faith journeys.

Later, I thought of this litany of my friend's Lenten word fast (plus some) from the movie In Bruges. If really crude swear words (you mean some aren't crude)offend you, please don't watch it. There's some in that first link that I never use but the movie itself, I love it.

Between that and the Pugs, some days it takes so little to amuse me.

Here Elky, Elky

These Elk were in our field when dearest one took the dogs outside this morning.There were 17 of them altogether and they moseyed across our field and out of sight. Dearest one let the Puglies back inside so he could take pictures without little dogs suddenly thinking they could put the run on the Elk. I was stuck in a yoga pose so the Pugs thought it was a great opportunity to lick out my ears. I was grossed out and laughing at the same time.

It's going to be a good day.

Piddly, Piddly Problems

I'm typing to the whine of the rug shampooer going in the livingroom. We were both working at it until dearest one muttered that it was akin to wallpapering together. I decided he really didn't need me standing there telling him how to shampoo the rug my way so I left him to it.

I am looking forward to lying on the floor doing yoga this week without inhaling the scent of stale dog pee every time I take a deep breath in and out.

In the whole scope of life what piddly (!) problems we whine about.
Hopefully I'll remember that the next time I come home to a new pee stain on the carpet. If only Yoga Pup actually did yoga maybe he would reform.

Lost in a Flash

"It's got to be here somewhere."

Here is in the black garbage bag sitting on the kitchen floor. I've lost a white flash drive that has records for an organization I voluntarily update records for on a regular basis. Last night I updated them again and now I can't find the flash drive. I've convinced myself that I must have accidentally thrown it away in a handful of used Kleenex last night. So I dump the whole garbage bag on the floor and start searching. The puglies come sniffing around to help me search. Too bad they weren't trained to locate lost flash drives. Their noses go much more for chicken bones. I shoo them away and poke through the whole mess even though I am grossed right out. I do find a pair of salad tongs that dearest one accidentally threw out with the soggy Caesar salad. No flash drive in sight.

I return to the office and look at the mess that is the desk. I resign myself to having to clean the desk off. I move the piles of papers off the desk and no flashdrive. I lift the last pile of papers and still no flash drive. I start thinking of the dogs and how they love chewing on plastic things when I spot the flash drive wedged in between the pages of a magazine. I give a big sigh and lift every pile of papers back into it's place and get back to work.

Of Lights And Black Clouds

I got up early just to sit in the dark with only the lights of the Christmas tree for company. I love doing that. I haven't had enough of it yet so the tree may stay up all weekend.

Don't you just have to chuckle (afterwards that is) when you are all calm and serene and then in two seconds flat you are bitchy and irritable? I went from laying on the couch soaking in the beauty of the lights to walking around with a black cloud above my head in what seemed a blink of an eye. I had certain expectations and life threw something else my way. I'm grateful to know that black clouds are entirely of my own making. When I accepted my reality the black cloud disappeared. And then I could chuckle.

We've had -30C and colder all week. Today is balmy in comparison. There are two little creatures who will literally howl with delight when I ask them if they want to go outside. They will race each other to the door and then turn to look at me as if to ask, What`s taking you so long. Yesterday Energizer Bunny got so carried away howling with excitement when dearest one came home from work that she fell off the bay window.

I have never seen a Pug with a black cloud over it`s head.

Oh, Bite Me!

"Today is my first day alone since sometime in mid December."

When I wrote those words this morning it made today, a day of solitude, even sweeter.

How am I going to celebrate? I am going to thoroughly enjoy cleaning house today, especially the bathroom. I noticed Pug hair on the bathroom counter the other day. When I commented on it to dearest one, he told me he lets Yoga Pup sit up there while he shaves. He lifted Yoga Pup up on the counter to show me and that darn dog promptly went for my toothbrush! Dearest one quickly moved the container to the other side of the sink saying, "If I don't do that he licks the toothbrushes." I shudder to think how many times I've unkowingly put a Pug licked toothbrush in my mouth.

Dearest one reminded me that the inside of a dog's mouth is cleaner than a human's. He went on to say that a human bite will give you a nasty infection far sooner than a dog bite. And while that is true it doesn't make me feel one bit better about sticking that toothbrush in my mouth. Which, now that I think of it, I'm still doing.

Oh, well. While looking for an appropriate photo for this post I came across many pug photos that made me laugh out loud, including this one:



Have a great day! Don't forget to brush your teeth. Three times.

Kissing The Ground

Of course I'd think of something to say in the middle of the night.

Dearest one is happily sleeping with the puglies curled around him. They are warm bits of comfort on a cold night. They like to curl up behind our knees or wiggle their way right in between the two of us as we sleep.

Yesterday morning, as I was putting my backpack into the car, my ankle kissed the ground and I heard a popping sound. I'm sure the noise I made could be heard right up to the stars. Ouch. By the time we got to town part of my foot was feeling numb, but when I got out of the car I could walk without pain, so I went to work instead of going to the health clinic that is next door to my office.

Dearest one called me about lunch time and chided me somewhat about not getting my ankle checked out. I said something along the lines of "oh, all right" and walked without nary a limp, over to the clinic. My thoughts were along the lines of "what a waste of my lunch hour this was going to be". To his credit, dearest one did not gloat when the doctor told me I'd damaged one of the ligaments and should take a few days off of work.

Having this connective tissue disorder means my tissues take much longer to heal. The doctor gave me the option of visiting the cast room at the hospital for either a removeable boot for stability, or a cast. Off I went for a removeable boot. The cast room is right next to the day surgery and the outpatient department. I sat there keenly aware that my minor injury was really just a blip on the radar screen, while other people were going to get wretched, wretched news today about the state of their health.

The pain caught up to me by the time we got home so I was in bed before 8:30 tonight, totally exhausted. You know I am tired when I turn off the TV and miss the rest of this sport during the Olympic pre-trials.I apologized to the women on the screen and went to bed.

I've been awake for a few hours now. Writing here in the middle of the night is akin to deleting the cache on the computer. For me, it makes room for sleep.

Good night.

Schmuckety Schmuck

Those Puglies are waiting for dearest one, who's been gone since yesterday morning, to come home. When it was bed time last night I went looking for the Energizer Bunny (on the left) and she was laying on the arm of the loveseat looking out the window, waiting for him. I'll be gone when dearest one comes home tonight and I can only imagine the ruckus that will ensue when they see his car come in the yard. They put their front feet on the bay window and point their noses straight up in the air and howl. Then they race up and down the hallway, trying to figure out which door he'll come in. They are pure love in action.

Dearest one is in city far away. Wish I could give the details. He has accomplished something pretty huge and I am incredibly proud of him. Wish I was there with him but we couldn't make it work to be together as he celebrates several years of hard work completed. I will be away from home from this afternoon until Sunday night.

Those Puglies did sleep in bed with me last night. They jump up on the bed - the bed that is so high off the floor that we put a chair in the right spot so they can jump in - and then they just walk all over a person until they find the spot they want for the night. My skin hurts to be touched. If you would put your finger anywhere on my limbs and push I would be in pain. I forget that until there is a Pug standing on my arms or legs as they try to settle in for the night. Ouch. I have two little Pug paw shaped bruises on my leg to show for it.

As I'm fond of saying, of most anything,
"If that's my biggest problem in life, then I have no problems."
We live such a privileged life.
I've had several things happen this week to remind me of that.
Unbloggable, but definitely perspective shifting events.
Perspective is a gift.

And then there are times when I lose persepctive and my God reminds me what a schmuck I'm being. Like yesterday. I had to drop something off at the hospital, where parking is atrocious. As I turned onto the hospital grounds I started to pray for a parking space and then gave my head a shake. I know there is nothing too small to pray about but praying for a parking space is a pretty self serving kind of prayer in my books. So I stopped that and instead gave thanks for having the ability to walk wherever I need to and so if I had to park blocks away, big friggin deal.

And then I make a right turn, to the place up top where there are 5 parking spots right outside the hospital doors. There is one spot open and instead of being grateful, I start grumbling to myself that I will have to parallel park. See? I can be such a schmuck sometimes. I hate parallel parking. Then I get the proverbial smack up the side of the head, the reminder that jeesh there are some people who would complain if their ice cream was cold, or say, if they get a parking spot right outside the hospital doors and don't have to use those two perfectly fine legs to walk very far.

Say What?

"Has Mommy fed you supper?"

Dearest one has a mischevious look on his face
even though I start glaring at him.
He knows them's fighting words.
I look from dearest one to the Puglies.
Between slightly clenched teeth I say,
"Don't."

That was about two weeks ago.
Since then dearest one has kept talking to the dogs
as if I'm their Mommy.
Not every day, God help him,
but once in a while.
Kind of like a kid who finds
what gets under someone else's skin
and then capitalizes on it,
just for fun.
Or just to hear me hiss the word "Don't".

So last night I crawl into bed.
The Pugs do, too.
They happily sprawl out on dearest one's side of the bed.
A few minutes later dearest one comes into the bedroom.
He likes the side of the bed that's right up against the wall.
To get there he has to be kind of acrobatic.
I know I could've just got out of bed
and made it easy but I bet, after all is said and done,
he's really happy I didn't.

He looks at the situation,
trying to figure out how to get into bed,
without stepping on the dogs.
I think to myself,

"Get out of the way so that your Dad can get into bed."

I start giggling.
Dearest one, still standing on the floor,
asks me what's so funny.
I tell him what I just thought.
We both shriek with laughter 'til our bellies hurt.
The Pugs look at us
and silently hightail it
to the far end of the bed.

Gratefully Roosting

I am so grateful tonight for the things I have learned.
And for the opportunities to practice and keep on learning.

If you would have told me 20 years ago I could choose
my attitude, my response, my outlook on life
I wouldn't have believed you
because I would've been too busy
telling you why it was ALL THEIR FAULT,
whoever they were.

Today was one of those days of grumpy people
grumping their way through the day.
I am the first person to deal with the public and others at work.
I'm grateful I didn't feel the need
to take any of the grumpiness personally.
Nor was I grumpy in return.

I'm really grateful for a sense of humour
and to not be taking myself so seriously.
It took 4 tries of emailing a form to a coworker
before I filled it in correctly.
That I could laugh about it and know
that making a mistake is not life threatening
is huge, huge progress for me.

I'm tired.
We were out of the house before 6 o'clock this morning
and gone for over 12 hours.
I am grateful for the comfy bed that I will sleep in soon.
I might even be grateful for the Pug warmers in it, too.
They are still ruling the roost.
But somehow I bet that doesn't surprise you.

PS. The blue pugs are for Pam.

Even Up My Nose

The snow is still here.
We didn't even get the lawn chairs in yet.
The vines growing on the deck are still green.
It all seems out of whack.

I've been cleaning like a mad woman.
I can now see the floor in the office.
I was watching a show on hoarders a few days ago.
I realized my office looked
a little like some of the rooms on TV.
Not as bad, really, but still.

I had planned on cleaning it
during my summer holidays.
Never happened.
Tis done now.

I feel like I am constantly
drowning in paperwork.
I have close to 75 books to take to the thrift shop.
They are less a security blanket than they used to be.

Dearest one read me a bit yesterday in a Pug book
about how Pug hair lasts a gazillion years.
Which explains why I even found some in the fridge.
It's hard to feel like I have a clean house
with Pug hair in the fridge
let alone on every surface and up my nose, too.

We are having a relaxed and lazy Sunday.
Turned down several invitations for Thanksgiving meals
this weekend.
The snow makes me want to hunker down
and hibernate.
I'm off to do that now.
I will have two Pugs joining me.

We Have A Champion

Round Two: Humans.

They slept in the kennel without making a sound last night.
Except for snoring.
They may have me beat in that category
although I do give them a good run for their money.

Round One

Oh, the pitiful whine of a Pug in a kennel.
Dearest one was getting frustrated with them interrupting his sleep.
He got up at 1:30 and took the puglies to sleep with him on the couch.
Round One: Puglies.

Spoiled Rotten

The puglies have been sleeping in our bed ever since youngest son moved out 26 days ago. Twenty-six is the limit of how many nights I can share my bed with a dog. I decided that this morning. Two nights ago I slept on the couch, declaring to dearest one that I was sleeping wherever the dogs weren't. My bed is much more comfy than the couch. The only reprieve we've had is when youngest son has come home for night and the dogs go back to sleeping wherever he sleeps.

So this morning I cleaned the bedroom - finally found the floor after a six month disappearance - and made room for the kennel in one corner. The Energizer Bunny used to sleep in the kennel every night until Yoga Pup came along. I would tell her it was bedtime and she would reluctantly waddle down the hallway and into her kennel. Yoga Pup is not nearly so well behaved. I can already hear him whining pitifully at what he will no doubt think is unfair treatment.

The worst is that while I didn't give in to any of our children's pleas of whining might get me what I want tactics, I am not convinced I will be so unshakable when it comes to the toddler version of a Pug.

Pugged

"How long do you think I'll last?"

He looks at me and I look at him.
He tries to keep any sign of emotion out of his face.
I can read his eyes though.

"Two days, tops."

That's his guess.
I don't tell him that
I think he's being generous.

Youngest son is moving out later on this week.
The pugaboos sleep in his bed.
Dearest one thinks they should sleep in ours
once we are empty nesters.
I've been saying things along the lines of over my dead body.

They slept in our bed last night.
They kept this dead body warm.

Marking Time

The couch is a lousy place to sleep.

All week the Energizer Bunny and Yoga Pup
have been at my bedroom door way too early
in the morning wanting me to get up and play.
Their internal alarm clock is set between 4:30 and 6:00 AM.

I've been the only one home all week
and they keep tabs on people like an accountant
keeping track of every penny spent.
It's so obvious that I am neither of their masters
and by their behaviour they're letting me know
they miss dearest one and youngest son.

Normally they sleep in youngest son's room
but he's been out of town all week.
And if I put them in his room and close the door
they'd scratch the hell out of it and pee on all his things.

When I've been gone at work Yoga Pup has taken to marking
the furniture, the shoes, the container that holds his food and more.
There have been times this week
when the most endearing moniker
I can think of to call them
has been The Little Fuckers.

I went and bought pee pads
(did you know there was such a thing?)
for Yoga Pup and he thought they were a new toy.
He loves to chew plastic.

So last night I decided to sleep on the couch
in hopes that they'd let me sleep longer
and refrain from peeing on anything in the night.
Yoga Pup was beside himself with joy
when I returned to the couch every time I got up to
go to the bathroom in the night.
He would follow me down the hallway
and leap for joy (I kid you not)
when I was done and made a left turn to the livingroom
instead of an abrupt right turn to my bedroom.
You'd have thought he'd won the lottery.

I woke at 7 AM from a bad dream
and both dogs were still sleeping.
Energizer Bunny on the back of the couch
and Yoga Pup at my feet.
It's amazing what a little bit of extra sleep
can do for a person.