Monday, January 01, 2024

Fractured and Healing

Photo credit: Kate Bowler

I used to make very long and detailed lists of resolutions. If I remember correctly there’s a journal entry amongst my stash of journals, where I listed 40 things to improve on, way back when my self loathing ran the show. I stopped reading self help books several years ago for my sanity’s sake. There is no book that will heal my self loathing. Especially not in 7 easy steps.

Between falling in June which required emergency surgery on my foot, the prolonged healing that entailed, then getting Covid just as I was coping better, and having a fractured relationship with one of my adult kids, it’s been a stellar year for reasons I wish were not reality.

It took several months to get back to speed after having Covid. An MRI of my foot just before Christmas, to check on healing, shows bones misaligned and so most likely more surgery. And soon it will be one year since I’ve had a phone call with my adult kid.

I have a love/hate relationship with the reality that this past year’s happenings have led to much growth, at the price of so many tears, therapy sessions and the ability to look more clearly at myself and find a bit more grace.

I doubt that I’d want to know in advance what this year holds for me. All I can do is keep showing up as I am. New and Improved not required.

~ Hope