Oh, Spring Where Art Thou?

You'd think that after seven and a half feet of snow we could be done with it now. Apparently not. Oh, Spring, where art thou?

I drove home in a blizzard yesterday. Thankfully there were stretches of no snow, no ice. It was a long 600 kms. For quite a ways a big truck followed me and I chose to see it as a big angel. Which made me chuckle at how we humans need to assign divine identities to inaminate objects. However, it made me feel better to do so especially when the trucker waited until the roads were bare and wet to pass me even though he had the chance to do it over the course of 100kms and didn't. I was gripping the steering wheel so tight there for a while that I thought I was going to get blisters.

Last week I was reminded, again, of the truth of the saying,

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.

Reminded after the fact, of course. It's been haunting me ever since in a slapped up the side of the head kind of way. I realize not everyone has a God of their understanding who slaps up the side of the head but mine does. He hugs fiercely, too.

This past weekend I took my best self to some service work instead of my dragging my butt self and the difference in the experience was enormous in a humbling kind of way. And in a Godincidence happening I crossed paths with someone from a very long time ago. There we were 600 kms from our home that is 1000kms from our original home. It was pretty cool.

The way the tires sound when they are driving over ice? Not the most pleasant sound. I turned up my music a little loud yesterday on the drive home so I could pretend I was driving on anything else.

Tomorrow I'm not driving anywhere. I'm pretty pleased about that. There's this most pungent smell that wafts like a fart under blankets coming from my fridge every time I open the door so I'm guessing getting rid of that is on my to do list tomorrow.



Photo Credit

Even When It's Frozen

It was -45C before factoring in windchill here the other day. Dearest One figures it was -55C with the wind. That's -67F for my American friends. We live in a bit of a valley and are often colder than other places. We were 10 degrees colder than town. At any rate too darn cold to be outside that's for sure. Today was snowy with -35C windchill. People are starting to make tongue in cheek comments on how warm it is because, hey, -35C is better than it was! At least we are driving to and from work in near total daylight now. That is a bonus. And, and, it can be too cold to be outside and yet the sun is high enough in the sky to melt snow while the air is cold enough to freeze pee at the same time. Just sayin'.

It's a luxury to be able to blog about the weather. Serious shit is happening to people every day and all I have to whine about is the cold and snow. This does not mean I am happy being cold and driving in blowing snow. I'm not. I am surrounded by people who are so totally sick of winter they want to boycott it. I do, too, some days. But in the whole scheme of life, it's not that big of deal. I can say that because I'm warm and dry and fed tonight. Which is a luxury, too.

Tonight when I got home from work there was a message on my phone from someone that got my blood boiling. You'd think in cold weather that would be a good thing. I spent some time stewing it over in my mind before I called them back. I toldl myself to keep an open mind while convicting them of such and such a thing before giving them a chance. And after a long while I picked up the phone and found out that all my blood boiling, convicting without proof was a total waste of time and energy. I picked up the phone again and called my sponsor to tell her the whole spiel. We laughed. Then I told her how I hadn't felt good today, nausea and not exactly dizziness, just well, you know, not quite feeling right in the head. She laughed long and loudly before telling me she wasn't touching that statement with a ten foot pole and if dearest one knew what was good for him he wouldn't either. And then we both laughed.

Yep, not quite right in the head sums up how sick we can get in our thinking. I'd blame it on the weather but I am perfectly capable of having a case sewn up against a person sun or rain or wind or snow. It's not a luxury to realize that, it's a life and death thing, really. My head is truly out to get my ass. Even if it's frozen.

Cabin Fever Sunset

Late in the afternoon yesterday the sun came out and perspective was mine once again. Even though it started to set withing a few minutes of its arrival, for once it didn't fizz me a bit that it was setting at five in the afternoon. It was just glorious to see it after a week of grey. It's a rather beautiful sunset if I do say so myself.

Tempted

It's been bitterly cold. Weather we don't normally see until January. I am grateful to be inside today. The windows are frosted from top to bottom. I have a very vivd memory of sticking my tongue on the screen door frame whenI was about 6 years old. I had to wait for someone else to get to the house to rescue me.

I can't say I want to repeat that experience but sometimes I get tempted to see if it would still happen.

The Elk pictured above are no where to be seen this morning but they're warm somewhere.

May 2010

It snowed for close to 48 hours straight. It was the weirdest thing to hear song birds in the trees while snow was falling. Like there was some kind of disconnect between the seasons.

My rain barrel was empty before it started snowing. I water all my outside flowers with rain water when I can so I am happy that the barrel is now full.

Yoga Pup loves the snow. His sister does not. She looked up at me as if to say "You want me to go pee in this?" Then she tried to walk in a dainty cat like way so that her feet wouldn't get wet. That's why she isn't in the picture.

I'm thinking it will be a day or two before we can have a picnic. Although by Tuesday it's supposed to be nearly 20 degrees warmer than it is now. Which means I will be able to move the flowers back out onto the deck. Isn't that a pretty stray cat that has taken to calling our place home?

Perpetually

I was going to wait to take a picture until the snow stopped but that won't be until tomorrow sometime. It does look pretty from where I sit. I'm glad I cancelled an appointment for today to see my spiritual director a few days ago. I have no desire to drive in this. I bet the snow doesn't look so pretty to those on the highway. I don't blame them.

I am grateful that being in AA has taught me that my attitude about those things over which I have no control is totally within my control. For whatever reason I couldn't grasp that message in church, I couldn't grasp it from anyone else, either. It was only when I came into the rooms for the second time that I grasped it. Sometimes I worry that I sound pollyannaish because of it. It doesn't mean I like everything that comes my way. Of course not. I'm human. I do work hard though to reframe most everything in life that isn't to my liking. It doesn't change my feelings about it but it helps me not live in a perpetual state of the 'poor me's'.

It is perfect snowman weather out there.

Gription Optional

Apparently I took the snow tires off the car a little too early! There is most likely recorded snowfall for every month of the year here. Thankfully it is still considered a strange occurrence though for about 4 of those months.

Have a wonderful Tuesday!

Expanding My View

Because of this wretched cold of mine I've had lots of opportunity this week to listen to my body. Some days I phoned in sick and others I went in late or left early. I wanted to somehow take care of myself and go to work. If that's not a touch of insanity I don't know what is.

Thursday night I went to a service commitment and came out of the meeting to snow flakes so big and fluffy that pedestrians were covered in snow as they walked. It was pretty to look at. Not so much fun to drive in. The only way I knew I was on the road was because of the tire tracks of the vehicle in front of me. Thankfully half way home the weather cleared and I could sit back in my seat again. Dearest one pointed out to me the next day that driving with my face inches from the windshield didn't actually help a person see any further than maybe 6 inches anyway. I didn't tell him that scrunching up my face and straining forward in hopes of seeing further made me feel like I was doing something. He told me I could have sat back in my seat and relaxed all the way home and still had pretty much the same view.

Which is something for me to remember the next time I get my panties in a knot about stuff I have no control over.

Redneck No Brainer

"The brakes are freezing up."

That's what dearest one said to me this morning as we stopped to fill up my car with gas. Then when he started up the car again the fan made a wretched whiny noise. This was quickly becoming a no brainer. We turned back towards home and are staying put for the day. It was -45C (-49F)this morning. There was a moment when it hit me how scary it would be to have car trouble in this weather and how stupid it was to think we were somehow immune. Even with all the blankets, candles etc. I had in the car, we would be cold in such a hurry. While I do live in redneck country I'd like to think I rarely act like one. This morning that was debatable. Oh, that word debatable looks weird. I'm squinting at the screen in the hopes it will somehow morph into a more acceptable looking word. No luck.

Funny how we think we MUST get to town because it's exam week and we have final exams to supervise and students to see. There are appointments to keep. With a few phone calls appointments are rescheduled, someone else is supervising exams. It doesn't have to be complicated. We both wanted to be at work today but wanting to be at work and needing to be at work are two different things.

We'll try again tomorrow.
I am so glad our furnace is working and that there is food in the cupboards.
We are blessed.

I'm grateful for perspective - even if it takes brakes freezing up to gain it.

Brain Freeze

We woke up to -50C at our place this morning. That is 58 below on the Fahrenheit scale. Aren't you just plain envious? The radio man said it was -53C with windchill in the middle of the night. We are colder here than in town so who knows how cold it got.

Dearest one told Yoga Pup he was going to freeze his patooties off when he went outside until he remembered Yoga Pup doesn't have patooties anymore.

Days like today it is incredibly easy to be grateful for a warm house, food in the cupboards and no reason to get in a vehicle and go anywhere. I am also grateful we aren't getting 3 feet of snow in two days like some places in Eastern Canada. I will take the cold over the snow any day.

Our trailer has ice on all the windows from top to bottom except for the bay window in the living room. Yoga Pup has a strange love affair with water in weird places. If I leave the door open on the tub he will lick up the excess water after I've had a shower. He will try to lick the water off my feet while I dry off. This morning he stood on our bed and licked the ice off the window frame. I had visions of his tiny pink tongue getting stuck to the metal but it didn't.

It doesn't take much to amuse me. I'd like to blame that on cabin fever. Isn't that the strangest term? Too cold to go anywhere and you get a fever? Wikipedia says cabin fever is an idiomatic term for a claustrophobic reaction. At first glance I thought it said an "idiotic" term and I was getting ready to agree with them.

Even Up My Nose

The snow is still here.
We didn't even get the lawn chairs in yet.
The vines growing on the deck are still green.
It all seems out of whack.

I've been cleaning like a mad woman.
I can now see the floor in the office.
I was watching a show on hoarders a few days ago.
I realized my office looked
a little like some of the rooms on TV.
Not as bad, really, but still.

I had planned on cleaning it
during my summer holidays.
Never happened.
Tis done now.

I feel like I am constantly
drowning in paperwork.
I have close to 75 books to take to the thrift shop.
They are less a security blanket than they used to be.

Dearest one read me a bit yesterday in a Pug book
about how Pug hair lasts a gazillion years.
Which explains why I even found some in the fridge.
It's hard to feel like I have a clean house
with Pug hair in the fridge
let alone on every surface and up my nose, too.

We are having a relaxed and lazy Sunday.
Turned down several invitations for Thanksgiving meals
this weekend.
The snow makes me want to hunker down
and hibernate.
I'm off to do that now.
I will have two Pugs joining me.

Blue Grace

This picture is for Pam. She usually posts a picture of something blue daily but spent last night caring for her mom so wasn't going to be able to post this morning. That link in the previous sentence really is a must read.

Yesterday Pam ended her post by saying look for God's grace...IT'S EVERYWHERE!! and I took that thought and held it close all day. I prayed that God would give me the eyes to see His grace everywhere.

And God did. Especially in the noon hour AA meeting I attended. Miracles abound if we just open our eyes. Or rather, have our eyes opened.

Late in the day I was able to address a situation at work that had irritated the hell out of me, with grace and humour. Got my point across without having to be a bitch about it. Who would have thunk that was possible? Yesterday the topic at the AA meeting was change. I heard incredible stories of change that are only possible by the grace of God. So often I feel like I am standing on Holy Ground at an AA meeting.

And speaking of change, they say up here to wait five minutes and the weather will change. Ha. Yesterday's snow melted and fresh snow covers the ground this morning. I think I'll have to wait longer than 5 minutes for the weather to change, don't you?

Have a grace filled day my friends.

Shiver Me Timbers

It's -40C with windchill out there right now.
I'm trying to remember that in a few months
I'll be seeking out the last patch of snow
on the north side of the bushes.
I'll sink my hand in it
and remark on how deliciously
cold it feels.
Which is not how I would
decribe today at all.

Under Where?

-48C with windchill factored in this morning.
That's -54F.
Lovely.
I'm thankful to be warm and safe inside.
I've been feeling a bit under the weather this week.
In between not sick enough to be in bed
and not well enough to carry on as normal.
Hmm.
Considering the temperature this morning I wonder
what feeling a bit under the weather really means?
Can a person be under -54F?
Would that be extra, extra frigid?
I can see I'm going off on tangents.
Okay, giving my head a shake.
Not too hard though because I'd really
like a day without a pounding headache.
Stay warm folks.

Weather, Whine, Lather, Rinse, Repeat

The weather never did cooperate today.
It's -35C on our thermometer as I type.
Isn't that getting old news to you, too?
I'm typing this Thursday night before I go to bed.
I have to be out the door early.
It takes a long while before I'm coherent
in the morning.
Sometimes I wish I was a coffee drinker.
Is it really true it perks you up in the morning?

I got out my journal today and wrote.
My last entry was Christmas day.
I got out my body speaks journal and wrote.
My last entry was Christmas Eve.
I got out every recovery book in my box
and the bookmarks were all for many days ago.
So while the cold weather is affecting me,
I've also been slack in doing those things
that keep me sane regardless of the circumstances around me.
New in my recovery box (it's orange suede)
is that little 24 HR black book.
I love that Sanskrit proverb in the beginning.

I vacuumed.
I washed dishes.
I made my bed.
I fed my body food that makes it happy.
I had a bit of a cry.
I talked to God.
I read.
I watched some TV with the energizer bunny.
She is so comforting on my lap.
(She's whining right now to get on it.)
I got out of the house tonight despite the weather,
and visited with friends.

Tomorrow I will go to town
I'll buy groceries,
with no worries that the ice cream
will melt on the way home.
That was my attempt at humour for the day.
Good thing it's bed time.

Welcome To The Human Race

I was talking with a far away friend yesterday
and she said, "Maybe you have a little bit of the blues."
I do know that whatever state of mind I'm in
it's not permanent.
Thank God.

Dearest one often gets so frustrated with the computer
that he's tempted to throw it out the window.
Most of the time frustration at inanimate objects
doesn't make much sense to me.
Except my computer's been having regular hissy fits.
And I'm getting periously close to having my own.
So yes, my friend, when I start seeing red
over a computer's behaviour,
I concede that I have a little bit of the blues.
I am going a bit stir crazy.
Thankfully,
this too shall pass.
When the weather warms up.
Which would be today.
It's bearable out there.
Thank God.
I will be going for a walk
and clearing my head.
My computer will thank me.

If you only knew how much I've judged people
over the years for letting the weather
run them off the rails.
Lovely self righteous crap.
Now it's my turn.
It's really hard not to judge myself for it.
I sit here and type and remind myself
this only means that I'm human.
Once again I tell myself
"welcome to the human race."
and breathe a sigh of relief.

Quit Yer Bitchin' Hope

The furnace is humming and the energizer bunny is snoring as I write.
Bah humbug to this continually cold weather.
-33C with windchill this morning.
Oh, poor me.
That's an attitude that gets me nowhere.
Yet I want to snuggle up to it and pretend
I'm Gollum and say, "Mine, all mine."
If all I have to whine about is the weather
then I have much to be grateful for.

I keep a little piece of paper in my wallet
and I take it out from time to time and read it.
It says:

"If you have food in the fridge, clothes on your back, a roof overhead, and a place to sleep, you are richer than 75 percent of this world."

Brain Freeze Anyone?

Dearest one just let the energizer bunny out for a pee.
I asked him if it froze mid stream.
It's -47C out there with windchill this morning.

I'm glad to have a warm house.
I'm glad I have things to do inside today.
I'm glad I get to choose my attitude.

I'm not going to complain.
Remember that little hand held computer doo hickey?
Last time I whined about the weather
I went from being 36 to 48 years old.
Yesterday I was 24 years old in brain years.
So I'm going to keep my
newly gone-back-in-time lips
sealed today.
And I'm going to put on a pair of long johns.

Hello? It's Winter. Duh.

It's cold out there again.
Supposed to be cold until the cows come home.
I normally don't gripe about the weather that much.
Honest to God, I don't!
I know you're having a hard time believing that one Chuck.
I figure there's nothing one can do about the weather
so why complain.
Then again, I probably thought that up on a hot summer day.
Not one where it takes testicular fortitude to go outside.
(You didn't know I watch Family Guy did you?)

When I heard the weather forecast last night
I said to myself, "I am so ready for Spring."
Then I looked outside.
Well, tried to look outside
but all that frost on the windows
got in the way.
The only way I could tell if Bessie was on her way home
was to put the side of my hand on the window and let
its warmth thaw out a little bit of ice.
My eyelashes nearly froze to the window
as I tried to see that darn cow.
Kidding.

Instead I took out my little hand held computer game.
I took a little brain test and went
from being 36 to 48 years old
in a matter of minutes.
But then you already knew that.
It's the kind of thing that mothers will say to children.
"Don't complain about the weather,
it'll age you."

One Dead Certainty

"Out of each of his meditations there always emerges one dead certainty, and this is the fact that he still has a long way to go.~ The Best Of Bill

I read the above little snippet yesterday morning and promptly underlined it. Although I have moments when I am not happy that I still have a long way to go, they are outnumbered by moments where I am grateful that I know with all of my being that I still have a long ways to go. I don't beat myself for that reality, either. I'm not sure one can acknowledge they do have a long way to go without self acceptance. Self loathing and perfectionism seem to go hand in hand for me.

That's about it for me today.....in the still frozen north where our thermometer shows -40C this morning. I am getting serious cabin fever. There's no break in the weather for 2 more sleeps. Lord have mercy. Last night on Mythbusters they showed that cabin fever was a real possibility. They drove all the way to Alaska to prove it. They could have stopped at my place (half mile off the highway to Alaska) on the way there. It would have saved them having such a long ways to go.