Healing

The no judgement part today is hard. My claim for long term disability was denied this morning. I think I need a few more months before I'm able to go back to work. My doctor and therapist agree.

There are layers to thoughts going through my mind. Old stories. I'm trying to remind myself that this decision isn't a judgement of me.

Over 40 years ago my mom spent a summer taking me to doctors for worrying health symptoms I had. One morning, after many doctors and no answers, she came into my bedroom and accused me of faking. She told me I could go to one more doctor and if they couldn't figure it out then that was it. No more doctors. That doctor told me I was depressed. When I got home and told my mom that, she said, "What would you have to be depressed about?" We never spoke of those health issues again the whole time I was home.

Deep breaths, Hope. Deep breaths.