Friday, February 08, 2019


The word curiousity keeps popping up in my life. When I read the quote over there I find I am much better at judgement than curiousity. Especially towards myself.

A hard doctor's appointment this week left me feeling quite judgmental about myself. Then I kicked into my default  I'll show you mentality. That only lasted long enough for me to remember that operating out of that paradigm wasn't sustainable or healthy.

In talking about this today in therapy it felt like a lifetime of beliefs came crashing down. I spent the rest of the day bawling my head off any time I talked to Dearest One about my appointment. I couldn't even tell him how grateful I am for my therapist without being a weeping mess.

Maybe a better term than crashing down is opening up. Something shifted. Defense mechanisms relented. Perspective was gained.

It's fucking hard work.


JS said...

Perspective is good. Hard work is good. Just know your friends, whether physical or ethereal (as in, "out in the ether of the internet"), have your back.

Hope said...

Thank you, JS.