This picture was one of them. I'd rather grow exponentially in an easy peasy way with no swear words in the mix, wouldn't you?
Last night, as I was getting ready for bed, and observing what was occupying my mind (which might interfere with sleep), I realized that I was consumed with other people and their problems. Everything from relationship issues to teenage children and a couple of people with terminal diagnoses. Into my mind popped that poster where it has a list in an inner circle of things I can control (me) and an outer circle with a list of things I can't (others). Ha. Oh fuck I thought to myself. Everything that was taking up space in my mind was all stuff I had no control over. Well, then. I used another tool my therapist has taught me and that is to put stuff that is overwhelming me into an imaginary container to look at later, often in the safety of her office. I regularly put thoughts in and take them out like a bank card being spit out of an ATM. In, out. In, out. Ad nauseum. But sometimes I manage not to.
This is where one is supposed to write that they put everything out of their mind instantly and life was so much better. Ta da!
Ya. Life isn't so straight forward. Sometimes, I wonder if it could be. But recognizing that worrying about stuff I had no control over, doing the same old thing, and realizing I had a choice. That? That helped. It felt like a sliver of light shining through a crack.
I slept just fine.
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