Pre Kindergarten

It's my blog anniversary today.
In blog years I'm in pre-kindergarten.
As a 4 year old there is hope for me yet.
That is good, good news.

I'd have to say that writing these posts
has been life changing.
Seriously.
That's not an exageration.
Damn. I can't figure out how to spell that word.
I feel cross eyed when I look at it.
But I do try not to live it.
Spell check has no suggestions for me, either.
Which means I've spelled it wrong by a long shot.
Exxagerate?
Exagerrate?
Good grief.
Exaggeration.
Now that looks plainly stupid.
But it's right.

Isn't that just like life sometimes?
Looks plainly stupid.
Feels plainly stupid.
Because of a warped sense of reality
and a good dose of denial
doing something a different way
looks ridiculous sometimes.
But notice I can spell
reality
and
denial.
There is hope for me yet.

Anyway, writing these posts
has been life changing
because it's freed me to look at myself.
Freed me to ask for help.
Freed me to get some help.
To grow and change in ways
I never could've predicted.
And that's a good thing.

Some of you have been with me from the beginning.
Through thick and thin.
Ha. Thicker me and thinner me.
Seriously. Thicker and thinner me means diddly squat
in the whole scope of life.
There's been some pretty sick shit on this blog at times,though.
And swear words, too.
Although I'm trying to stop using them so much.
I heard at a Round Up this past Fall that
as sober alcoholics we don't need to talk like that anymore.
Cover your ears fellow pre-kindergarteners because
I instantly had the urge to say 'fuck' over and over and over again.
Instead I pondered whether I was capable of swearing less.
I decided I wanted to try.

I think I love the word hope more than ever.
I have more of it now than I did 4 years ago.
I'm so glad hope is not a swear word.
May it continue to grow in us all.