Monday, December 29, 2008

Wake Up

Early, early, way too early, Monday morning.
I opened my eyelids and started planning my week almost immediately.
My body said, "sleep dammit", and my mind said "time's a wastin'".
My mind won.

Four years ago today I was received into the Catholic Church.
I rarely talk about that stuff here.
Why?
It's a toss up between it being intensely personal and private
and not wanting to offend people with what I believe.
What some people see as signing up for bondage
has been one of the most freeing decisions I've ever made.
Jesus' words: But who do you say that I am?
continue to challenge me on a daily basis.
Enough said about that.

In the comments yesterday Steve talked about how humble pie doesn't taste the best.
I agree.
I'd written that I'd take it over eating a hamster.

I've been thinking about that.
Had I simply eaten a hamster I would have come home and very likely torn a strip off of dearest one. At the very least I would have come home with a self righteous little attitude even if I never opened my mouth.
Both so wounding to our relationship and to our souls.
If you only knew the damage I've done over the years
with my triumphalism.
It ain't been pretty.

Eating humble pie, however.....puts things in perspective
and brings life instead of death to what really matters.
I just want to spend more energy on that in the end, you know?
Lord have mercy.

It doesn't mean I don't enjoy being right,
even at someone else's expense.
I can down right delight in it.
But the payoff has shrivelled over time.
In the long run it leaves me in a lonely, alone, smug place.

Oh, don't worry.
I'm not a saint.
Don't we know that.
A saint in the making, yes.
Aren't we all.
I have enough foibles to weigh me down
without eating another morsel of Christmas baking.

But the goodness that is inherent in all of God's creation?
I want that to grow.
In me.
When I enter into centering prayer I often visualize
a burning ember within me
a symbol of God's spark
alive and waiting.
I ask for the breath of God to blow on it
make it burn brighter, stronger, bigger.
And when all is said and done,
In those moments when I've climbed onto my high horse
and am looking down at whoever I feel self righteous towards
I have a choice.
Always a choice.

Lord have mercy.


6 comments:

steveroni said...

How honored (seriously, no 'grin') I am to be mentioned only a few spaces beyond those words of Jesus. (Plus you gave me a complete bible URL to follow!)

I, too, am (now) a practicing catholic. Rarely do I mention that fact on the blogs or at f2f meetings. I do never wish to be guilty of proselytization.

Hope, your blog title "Wake Up" has for me a much deeper meaning than waking up in the morning. It's like a "wakeup" call to become more aware
of my faults, and do something about them. Hey Steve (me), do Steps 6, 7, 8, 9, and 10 ring a bell? Perhaps a WAKE-UP bell??? Hmmmmmm?

Jim said...

"When I enter into centering Prayer I often visualize a burning ember within me a symbol of God's spark alive and waiting. I ask for the breath of God to blow on it
make it burn brighter, stronger, bigger."...

This is so true to a combination of Biblical verses: the human spirit a candle lit by the Creator, the reconnecting with Spirit providing us with a second flame, and the eye becoming "single" in the sense of both "fires" merging into one as we willingly step into Him. We can slice that all we wish into our various credos and religious perspectives: when heaven and earth meet within us, the denominational tags are lost in knowing His presence in such merger....

Gabriella Moonlight said...

What a gorgeous post! Thank you! I am so glad and honored that you did share! I agree too that it's that awareness of who we are and where we come from that is awe inspiring and making.

Thank you Hope!
G

annie said...

Thanks, Hope!

Cat said...

Hope your post had me looking at myself and nodding my head in agreement - I would rather eat humble pie these days and spend my energy paying attention to the more important things in life.

I wish you a very happy new year!

Cat

Kathy Lynne said...

BTW: Gospodi Pomiluj means Lord Have Mercy:)