Friday, December 19, 2008

To Sleep, Perchance To Dream

Because I'm weary and have a mounting sleep debt I'm going to take part in 7 Quick Takes Friday.

It's going to be steady at about minus 30ish for the next few days. Our windows are covered from top to bottom with Jack Frost's creations. I marvel at how trees and mountains and leaves appear overnight, or in my case, are there 24 hours a day as long as it is this cold. Some days I feel like my middle name should be Linus. I carry a blanket most everywhere to stay warm. When I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom I can tell it's warmed up if I can see out the bedroom window. There's something warped about telling the temperature that way. Hey, I do live in redneck country.

I have not felt much holiday cheer this season; be that as it may. I have to admit I felt a twinge of jealousy yesterday when I read on FB that only daughter's boyfriend's mother has laid in a stock of wine and is looking forward to sharing a glass with only daughter over the holidays. For some reason I felt jealous that having a drink together will, Lord willing, never be part of my shared story with my adult kids. I know that's screwed up to feel jealous. Yet that pang was there momentarily. Then I remembered that even though I was a fun drunk, I was most likely only a fun drunk to myself and not the larger world around me as I liked to think. And to have a drink with my children as reality and a shared story would most likely guarantee solitary Christmases for eternity. Thank you God, thank you God, for my sobriety.

We have 35+ neices and nephews on dearest one's side of the family; many of them of marrying age. The weddings have been happening at a fast and furious rate this past year. We receivged a wedding invite to one in the mail this week and a phone call this morning of another one in the works. In dearest one's family's culture a girl starts to be considered an old maid at 25 or thereabouts. People feel sorry for her single state. I wish there was a place in their culture for the possibility of being called to singlehood. To see how it could be celebrated and encouraged without a person feeling somehow second rate. When I hear people talk all starry eyed about the love of their life completing them I want to howl with snarky laughter. Bring the fullness of who you are to marriage people; the fullness, that is the beauty of who you are, sans marriage. I'll shut up about that now because I feel a rant coming on and it wouldn't be pretty.

Okay, I can tell I am sleep deprived, can you? Unless I've been bone weary at bedtime I haven't slept through the night since before last weekend. It should follow that I sound a bit babyish by today, shouldn't it?

Nine times out of every ten that I've eaten out in the past 18 months, I've eaten at Subway. Sometimes I feel like I could give Jared a run for his money. I'm 50 pounds lighter and know most of the Subway staff at all 5 locations. They keep getting moved from one place to another and greet me enthusiastically when we see each other at a new location. I think it says something for Subway that they still have this core group of staff after that long, a record for a fast food place I should think.

The year my older sister sent me some little dollar packages of Norwegian flags for my Christmas tree I cried. They top the list of my all time favourite Christmas present. My grandparents always had them on their tree as did my great aunt. We never know what traditions are going to be the most heart felt in years to come. I get very homesick every single Christmas and those little flags make me feel connected to my family far away.

Yesterday as I was rushing down an aisle in a department store I saw an elderly woman try on a lovely red suit jacket. She turned this way and that and I stopped to whisper, "It looks beautiful on you." She turned and looked a little sheepish and a lot pleased. She told me there wasn't a mirror close by so she couldn't see how it looked. I assured her it looked just great and went on my way. I wonder when she looks in the mirror does she see her older self or her younger self.

I have a sneaking suspicion if I don't get some good sleep soon youngest son and dearest one are going to be looking at each other way before supper and asking, "Is it bedtime yet?" Oh, I remember those days when supper couldn't come fast enough because that meant bath time and bed time and sleep for us all. Methinks they are going to be hoping it's my bedtime way before supper is on the horizon.

If you want to read a post that will make you laugh and cry, hop over to Da Momma's blog. This woman no doubt can't wait for bedtime either, but my goodness she parents with a wisdom and wit that I can only dream about. Dreams are good though, it hopefully means you're getting some sleep.


steveroni said...

You are not alone -grin

steveroni said...

Me again...Hope, I cannot even *compute* 30 BELOW ZERO! I remember 20 b'low. And as my memory may fail, that part will not fail, I'll ALWAYS remember 20 b'low, and Pearl Harbor. Although neither has to do with either

Share a glass of wine? What about the rest of the bottle(s)? Then, where's the vodker's, and der Leebfrowmilk? I also want to know, what happened to my trousers, they're all wet! And I'm missing a she. Vell? Voss isht ein shoemissink


Hope said...

Yep, following through to what would happen after that first sip reminds me where I don't want to go.

Heather said...

I'm with you on #3 - that is so my DH's family. 6 "original" kids who each had 3-4 kids, and it really does add up quickly. One girl cousin went to college and worked a while before marrying, and she's the "odd one" in the family.

Anonymous said...

Oh Hope, I'm beginning to think we were separated at birth.

And yes, that ever evasive sleep.... it's been weeks for me. Beginning to wonder if it's got anything to do with "the change". zzzzzzzzzzzz...what was I saying?


Black Pete said...

You gave the elderly woman a blessing: think about that.

And besides, regarding the wine, there's that old joke about the person pouring (name of alcoholic drink goes here) down a toilet. When asked, the person remarked: "I got tired of being the middle man!"

annie said...

Hope, how interesting even your rambling is! May you soon catch up on the sleep you need. And I hope the shoulder continues to improve.

Anonymous said...

BP, that's funny!