Sunday, November 02, 2008

Showing Up

Tears are close to the surface tonight.
It's been that kind of day.
Biotchy I think it's called.
Thankfully these days are few and far between.
It used to be that I didn't know any other way to deal with my emotions
or the actions of others.
I'm writing this Saturday night to post Sunday morning.
Maybe in the morning I'll have something else to say.
Or not.

I vented at my AA meeting today. Gained some perspective in the feedback I got from my sharing. I love my homegroup. These people know and love me as I am. They also kick me in the butt when needed. They're about the only people in the world I'll welcome a butt kick from. I can't do this journey alone. Yesterday someone in the fellowship told me I was trying too hard.

Today I was reminded how far being grateful goes when a person feels down. How much thinking of other people helps one quit taking life so seriously. And I got reminded that there are much worse things to have my panties in a knot over than my mountain of a molehill.

It was a day.

I wrote 1738 words when I got home for NaNoWriMo. I'd written about 600 of those a few years ago and had forgotten just how much detail I'd done in outlining about 6 chapters of this book. Who knows if it will make sense at the end of the month but, one day at a time, I will hopefully make the 50,000 word count. I wrote in the space of about an hour today so I can churn the words out if I have to. I'd forgotten I'd learned how to do that eons ago. Dearest one told me I could write all the papers he has due for the rest of his courses if I wanted to. Hah.

The editor in me is chomping at the bit, wanting to go back and edit in between, but that will drive me batty before too long so I'll just keep going. I'd been posting here daily since the beginning of July to simply learn how to show up to the page whether I felt like it or not. That's helped me gain courage to try the NaNoWriMo thingamajig.

Well, I am so tired I am not going to be coherent much longer.
Have yourself a great turning the clock back kind of Sunday.
As my dad says, "Every day above ground is a good day."


Jim said...

This is the second time I've read this and am thinking about your relationship with the "homegroup". For five years now I've sat in another church after a three-decade relationship with the old one. Truth be known, I may have severed my "tithing membership" attachment with the former, there is no way I could or would want to divorce my friendship with those who walked with me through that part of my life. Two of my children yet attend there. My grandchildren are involved in activities there. I hold no anger against the pastor and know him too well to count him anything other than a friend. It is a strange relationship and hard to explain; but we all need each other, even if we disagree in our perspectives. It is the next step with Him that gets us through it...

Hope said...

I agree, Jim. It's only by walking with God, that we get through anything. It's not very often I hear of a good relationship with a former church congregation. We spent quite a few years in a church in this community. They were not supportive when we began attending the Catholic Church instead. We still have some friends from that congregation and I still enjoy visiting with most of them. Sometimes I sense a thin veil of tension over our choice but I also know I can't explain it adequately to them so that they will be supportive, all I can do is live it out and leave it at that.