So Much More

Today is dearest one's 50th birthday and my 22nd AA birthday. I'm writing this the night before because part of my present to dearest one is getting up early so we can drive in to work together tomorrow instead of taking separate vehicles. Driving anywhere together is one of our favourite past times. He starts work nearly 2 hours before I do these days so I will get work done in a very quiet office. I was supposed to be on holidays this week but that hasn't happened. I sound so altruistic right now, getting up before the crack of dawn, but I will never be a morning person. I hope my boss doesn't find me with my head on my desk snoozing when she comes in. At least if I drool on my desk while I'm sleeping it will be honest drool, not hungover drool.

Dearest one is a very handsome 50 year old. He looks younger than me. By years and years even though I am younger than him. It's the reason I dye my hair so that I don't get mistaken for his older sister or something worse. His students often think he is thirty something although that messes with their heads because they know he is old enough to be their dad. Wouldn't it be nice to look thirty something with twenty something year old kids?

One of the things I bought him for his birthday was a dozen roses. He loves them. His first ever bouquet of flowers. Who says flowers are only for women? Of course we can't the vase that fits a dozen long stemmed roses so they are in a clear plastic juice jug right now. There are only so many places I could have put that vase and so far I can't remember where. The other thing I bought him is in the back of my car because it`s too heavy for me to lift. I covered it with my spring jacket and a sweater. That is one kind of reusable wrapping paper.

We are having a small party tomorrow night with dearest one`s family (we call getting together with 6 out of 9 siblings and their families small) and then in late spring will have a huge party. When dearest one turned 40 I invited 70 people to a surprise birthday barbecue. It was a blast. So we`ll do an encore this year. Turning 50 is a privilege. There is one less sibling alive ten years later, one less nephew. Milestone birthdays especially remind us of that. Of what could be, but isn`t.

Twenty two years ago we celebrated dearest one's birthday by having a drink. My last drink. The only time I ever had one drink. The rest of the bottle got poured down the drain. That's a story and a half for another day. I'm just grateful I haven't had a drink since. When I was a teenager in years sober I seriously considered going on a drinking binge. In the time it took me to stop at one of those 4 way stops I had considered and planned it all out. Then I thought to myself "Holy Shit". Cunning, baffling and powerful indeed. I had no idea I would ever consider a drink again. It had been 10+ years since I'd been to an AA meeting. The whole thing shook me up enough to get my butt in a chair at a meeting and I've been doing that regularly ever since. I still feel like a baby in recovery. One of the lines I have highlighted in my Big Book is this:

"We feel a man is unthinking when he says that sobriety is enough."

There is so much more to this journey than simply putting down the bottle. I am grateful to know that now.