Tuesday, June 23, 2009


I am counting down the days until I am off work for the summer.
It will be so nice to get up and not have to get in my car and go anywhere unless I want to.
I am headed on a road trip to see family and back to big city far away for more medical tests. I found out today that there will be more a few months after that yet. So my prediction of it being November before I find out if they will do surgery to fix the hole in my heart is about accurate.

I could write now about what has been weighing heavy on my heart. The people who needed not to find out through my blog know by first hand telling now. And I am grateful that I don't feel any need to hash it out here. It's made me reevaluate what I blog about and why.

What I do know is that I have a strength I didn't know I had.
I have encountered all manner of gifts during this pain filled time.
Yesterday my therapist walked me through writing out a crisis mode list of beliefs, feelings and behaviours. Then she took the core hurt from that list and showed me how to change it into a possibility mode. She said every crisis is full of possibilities.
I did the work and she is right.

Life is not as I would have it.
My serenity isn't based on that.
What once sounded so pat and airy fairy
is now a reality in my gut.
Who knew it was possible?


steveroni said...

Amazing what wisdom escapes the mouths of our not-so-bright sponsors. (Not-so-bright is what I USED to think!)

Guess it's time for me to listen -grin!

Rikkij said...

interesting and possitive theory. ~rick take care

Daisy said...

(((Hope))) Though I've never met you, I sense great inner strength, my friend. It is not possible to write as you do without it.


Heidi Renee said...

oh so good to hear!

i'd love it if you'd blog out that process you worked through w/ your therapist - sounds fascinating!

love to you dear friend, looking forward to you being home during the day again so we can chat more :D

mile191 said...

This is beautiful, and an answer to the prayers of my heart right now, prayers for me and for many others close to me. Thanks for the possibility that we can pull through our crisis stronger.

hugs to you, mile

Wine and Words said...

"What the caterpillar thought was the end, the butterfly knew was only the beginning."

Something beautiful has come out of all your hurts....YOU!

Unknown said...

Oh Hope, I sense your strength and courage in this post, although I have not been commenting, I want you to know that your spirit shines through and I send you my prayers, love and healing thoughts!

big hug G:-)

Wait. What? said...

'life is not how I would have it...'

and it sounds like that is OK.

One Prayer Girl said...

"When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change."

Possibility thinking - I love it.

Hope, I'm glad you're feeling better.


VICKI IN AZ said...

♥ to you Hope.
Glad you are feeling peace.

annie said...

Hope, I am so glad to read this. I too see your strength shining through and will continue to pray for you...