I am counting down the days until I am off work for the summer.
It will be so nice to get up and not have to get in my car and go anywhere unless I want to.
I am headed on a road trip to see family and back to big city far away for more medical tests. I found out today that there will be more a few months after that yet. So my prediction of it being November before I find out if they will do surgery to fix the hole in my heart is about accurate.
I could write now about what has been weighing heavy on my heart. The people who needed not to find out through my blog know by first hand telling now. And I am grateful that I don't feel any need to hash it out here. It's made me reevaluate what I blog about and why.
What I do know is that I have a strength I didn't know I had.
I have encountered all manner of gifts during this pain filled time.
Yesterday my therapist walked me through writing out a crisis mode list of beliefs, feelings and behaviours. Then she took the core hurt from that list and showed me how to change it into a possibility mode. She said every crisis is full of possibilities.
I did the work and she is right.
Life is not as I would have it.
My serenity isn't based on that.
What once sounded so pat and airy fairy
is now a reality in my gut.
Who knew it was possible?