Friday, October 17, 2008

Sweetness and Pain

"What you see as being back at square one,
I see as another layer in the onion.
"

Wise and comforting words from my spiritual director yesterday.
Not sure how many layers there are to the onion that is my soul,
most likely they are infinite.
Where I saw defeat and despair,
Fr. Charlie saw hope and healing.
Which is why we shouldn't try to journey alone.
Our perspective is too limited.

I haven't felt this humbled,
or this hopeful
in a very long time.
There is a sweetness and pain embedded in both.

The mulitple conversations this week
where I confessed, sifted through,
became vulnerable,
has left me exhausted this morning.
Tears have filled every crevice
and are waiting to be released.
Healing, healing tears.

Through the sifting yesterday,
one big piece of the puzzle
found its place.
A huge "aha" moment, a gift of the Holy Spirit
through the words of Fr. Charlie.

Guilt dissipated in an instant
with the connecting of dots
between a deep wound and an attitude
thirty years deep.
I felt such relief when I realized I'd had no other
point of reference than the one I've carried for so long.
A twisted, warped attitude that found its ugly point
of reference and now
can be reframed.

I feel like there is the thinnest of gauze
between my naked soul
and what could be.
Beauty bubbling forth from the depths.

All is gift.
All is grace.

8 comments:

Owen said...

oniongirl - Holy Cole has the most wonderful version of this song. Peace.

Anonymous said...

Pretty amazing, huh?
Mich

Jim said...

I like it when I have no words for you because it is already quite evident you've heard from the Holy Spirit and are doing well.....

Hope said...

O - I got youngest son to download that song for me and I will listen to it tomorrow. The lyrics themselves got to me.

Mich - Not sure when I will stop being stunned at how the journey continues to unfold. I've spent today weary and weary.

Jim - even when you have no words I really need to hear them because sometimes being vulnerable on this blog is scary.

Black Pete said...

And a lot of courage, Hopester.

dawna said...

hope, you are one strong lady. i love how vulnerable you've been lately. it is scary to be vulnerable and i think that's why it takes so much strength to be vulnerable.

kudos and hugs.
<3

Hope said...

I keep forgetting this journey takes courage bp, thank you for reminding me.

dawna - I've never put strong and vulnerable together before. At least not when it pertains to me. Thank you.

dawna said...

me neither, till i wrote it... at which point i realized it pertains to me, too... so thank you.