Monday, October 20, 2008

The Last Taboo

It's dark out yet, maybe some time for candle lit prayer before the rush of the day starts. Today I'm going to town to pick up a new-to-me car. For the first time in 30 years of driving I'm going to have my own car. We've tended to drive junkers for as many years as possible. I have a love/hate relationship with vehicles. When they work I love them, when they don't and they cost me money, I tend to hate them. My van is nearly 15 years and 340,000 kms old. If I had my way I'd drive it right into the ground. But it's become unsafe to drive lately. I've used my 24 hour tow service several times in the past month and a half. I'm just writing all that to remind myself that replacing it is not only sane but responsible. It made its last voyage to church and back yesterday.

Dearest one was surprised I actually replaced the van. He knows what a tightwad I can be am. Man, I have issues with money. I laid in bed last night and talked to God about how easy it is for me to mix up money with trust. What else can I do but hold open my hands and ask God to help me with this? I'm not the funnest person to live with when it comes to money. I can be so miserably rigid but unable to do anything different. These days I'm in a slightly healthier place about money but not much. It's hard not to judge myself for it. I'd much rather be one of those people who err on the side of being so generous with money they can't pay their bills. Well, not really, that would make me feel just as tense inside, but I surely would like a healthy relationship with money one day.
Money seems to be the last taboo to talk about on here.
Writing about sexual addiction is easier than about my relationship with money. I doubt I'll do it again.
So for today I'm just going to enjoy my car.


kat said...

i just wanted to thank you for your entry today. i always leave your page, the better for it, and today, i needed that hand squeeze. i hope your day is wonderfully blessed and that you do, indeed, enjoy that new car.

Hope said...

You're welcome Kat!
I'm at the public library, having driven my car here. It's going to take some getting used to.

Mary P Jones (MPJ) said...

Hope, I totally know what you mean. It has been much harder for me to write about money than anything else, which seems a little weird.

I hope you do enjoy the car once you get used to it. :)

Anonymous said...

Yeah, the money thing....biiiig issue. We're needing a different car, too as this one's definitely on its way out.

Wow, your own set a wheels. What colour's your new car, Hope? Good that you got a safer vehicle especially with the coming winter on those country roads.

Anonymous said...

It is a very nice little car! I took it to work today, to "check it out" and enjoyed driving it.