"Most of us don't seek God during happy times. We seek God when we're in distress." As the priest said this tears sprang to my eyes. Had I not been an alcoholic who's life was becoming more and more unmanageable every day would I have sought God? I'll never know the answer to that one.
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6 comments:
one door closes, another one opens.
there is plenty of room for God in the heart.
Oh but he is so faithful, and pursues us through thick and thin.
I LOVE the new look of your blog, BTW! I hope to do some refreshing on mine soon.
I well remember detox and sleepless, anxious and full of fear trying to remember the words to the Lords Prayer. And finally falling asleep after I had remembered and said the prayer.
Hope, I sometimes feel the same question you have, about the plain fact that my distress drove me to God. I went out of need, not because I was a good and faithful servant.
The wonderful thing about it is that my alcoholism introduced me to the God I needed and freed me from the angry, judgmental God who condemned everything I was: sexual abuse survivor, suicide survivor, drug addict, alcoholic, depression survivor, immoral, self-pitying, weak-willed sinner.
My distress took me straight to a loving Lord, and when I surrendered everything I was, that God transformed me. All of the shit of my life became strength. I learned forgiveness and faith in recovery. God turned all things into good for me.
My alcoholism, sexual abuse, mental illness, all were parts of the journey into a spiritual connection with God. I'm thankful for the weaknesses and distress that drove me into his arms. For reasons only he knows, he didn't make me a Pollyanna girl who has never faltered from the good Christian path. He put me through a refining fire. I was lost, and now I'm found. Scarred but strong.
So are you. I have spent about an hour here, reading parts of your life as you describe it that are similar to my experience. I'm grateful for your alcoholism, which took you to your knees and helped you find your Lord.
Blessings on you.
Chris
It seems to me that not everyone in need seeks God--the alternatives are drugs, alcohol, sex and stimulative overload of some kind.
I think we are all of us in need. But not everyone perceives it of themselves, or acts upon it.
Maybe seeking God is not so much an act of need as an act of strength in some way.
And would the answer really matter? God loves us enough to woo us, draw us, chase us. And then he fights to keep us, waits for us, buys us back...again and again. That really is amazing love and grace.
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