That's how I feel tonight.
It's been a day of good connections.
Someone in AA reaching out a hand towards me
and me reaching out to another.
My friend Ron used to tell me
help is only a hand away.
If you read those three links
you'll see how our paths crossed.
How his suicide still haunts me.
I'll wait.
Dearest one mentioned Ron the other day
and grief rose up without warning,
tears pricking my eyes.
It's been 10 years since the cops tossed the ziploc bag
that held his pack of smokes, a bloody thumb swipe
marring its outside, onto the counter.
I think of Ron when the phone feels too heavy
and I don't want to reach out a hand.
I didn't plan on writing about him tonight.
Ron never took me too seriously.
That used to piss me off royally.
The madder I got at him for that
the louder he laughed.
It's harder to take oneself seriously
when someone is laughing at you.
But I sure did try.
7 comments:
Sometimes it seems as though we go through life getting undone/unmade. Fixed ideas have a hard time surviving unless we ourselves become rigid and who really wants that?
Just a thought that came to me from reading your post. Kinda like following one of the billiard balls after the opening break.
Mich
Hi Hope...
I have moments like that where something (sometimes a smell, of all things!) will cause me to re-feel old pain...
Thanks for writing that...I needed to hear it.
You wrote, "Someone in AA reaching out a hand...help is only a hand away."
Help is also only an e-mail away.
Or a comment on a blog away.
Or a phone call away.
I am convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that we can't do this alone. We must have each other.
- No matter what addiction we're talking about. -
Love,
PG
A beautiful tribute to your friend. If we could all only look into the inner parts and at least find strength to embrace the other...
May his memory be eternal!
I get that way too...about my Dad...its been 10 years..life has gone on and then bam! it hits me again that he's dead.
Ron's story and your story are amazing...the intertwining of spirits always amazes me, it sounds like you both had to learn hard lessons with one another, the choices we make, the choices we create!
Help is always here, a hand, phone, blog, or email away...always!
Thank you for sharing this story, it takes huge courage!
Big hugs to you!
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