Sunday, November 19, 2006

I Just Ate Your Last Coke...

..that was the sentence I was composing in my head before I sat down to confess such in an email to night-shift-working dearest one tonight. It took me several run throughs to realize I must be really tired to think I could eat a can of Coke.

Thank you for all your well wishes and prayers. The retreat was wonderful. I haven't laughed so much in a long time. Sometimes when I go for a long time without laughing and then eventually do, my laughter rings hollow. I feel startled at the sound of my own laugh....like it doesn't belong to me but someone I don't even know. This weekend my laughter felt warm and life giving and fluid. Best of all it was spontaneous and genuine.

My talk was well received although that's neither here nor there. I like talking and they let me, so we're both happy. Last week dearest one was in the middle of writing a letter for me to read during my weekend, when I walked into the livingroom and started chattering his ear off, oblivious to what he was doing. Eventually he looked at me and told me his thought train had 'derailed' and he had been on a roll before I started talking. We laughed and I thought he was pretty sweet not to just delete the whole thing. He told me he now knew what I felt like when I was writing a blog post and he started talking to me and I lost my own train of thought.

Written words don't come easily to him so he was disappointed to be 'derailed' in the midst of writing me an encouraging note. However he made me laugh and cry this weekend when I read that particular note. Here is what he said:

"Hi Heart,

Hope is such an easy word to say; I hope this...I hope that...I hope you...

Your pen name fits you so well because as Dr. M. said, "Her determination will do her a lot of good." That is the same determination that has kept you going for thus far all the way since '62 and will likely be the substance that keeps you plugging away through the next however many decades of this life.

For me that has been somewhat of a two edged sword at times. There are the "I can do this or I'll be damned" times when I would have sooner done it for you; to me it would have been easier than watching you struggle with the fallout later [he's talking of me using up spoons unnecessarily]. For you it seems to be that same 'determination' that your grandma saw.

Hope is your favourite word in the English language, perhaps which is partially why you are so well able to....(Here's where my train derailed) ...give others a vision of what it looks like for themselves.

I have many hopes for you, for me, for us....the greatest of which I know will be realized when we are snuggled in the arms of Christ, hearing his "Well done."

Forever hope,
dearest one



Somehow I know he will forgive me for eating the last can of his coke.

5 comments:

Jennifer said...

Who needs Coke? That was so INCREDIBLY sweet...

O=onionboy.ca+luminousmiseries.ca said...

It was super sized sweet and Amen.

Jim said...

Sounds to me like he "hit the spot" with what he was asked to do. Writing, like a lot of other items, is as much about letting it flow from your heart as it is about talent. When the stream runs pure, it connects.........

Pru said...

I must admit, I was wondering if this post was going to reveal a secret drug addiction...that was the only kind of coke I could think of that would be eaten. I'm glad you were merely tired.
I am so glad that the weekend was a soul-feeding thing for you, and that you got to laugh and laugh.
I love you.
only_daughter

daisymarie said...

i think you're absolutely right! :)