Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Lord Save Me From Destination Thinking

Just when I think I've learned something I get to see I'm not where I thought I was. I've had moments when I was sure I had the answer how to lose weight for good. Or how to parent. Or be totally surrendered to God. You pick the topic. On just about anything I've thought I've arrived at some moment in my life and haven't been able to keep the answer to myself. "Would you shut up already," I tell myself. You'd think I'd learn. I haven't. Today my mantra is this: "You are on a journey. Stop panicking because you haven't arrived. Relax in the journey." Oh, God if only I could stomach myself today. I can't.

It reminds me of those Sunday mornings when I would be a screeching ninny and then have to go to church and paste on a smile and say how fine I was. One Sunday morning one woman asked me how I was and I looked at her and whispered, "Bitchy." Relief flooded her face as she told me she was that way too.

In all seriousness. It feels like there have been huge leaps forward in my faith journey lately. Pure gift. Today it feels like it is all slipping through my fingers and it will all be a precious, but distant, memory. Lord have mercy. And the next time I leave some trite comment on one of your blogs just remember I must have been in destination mode when I wrote it. God, in His mercy, will remind me that I'm on a journey and the destination is by His pure grace.

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