I think it bothers me, other than what human being doesn't it bother, because I grew up watching adults do things that were harmful and wrong and not how it should be. That made it too painful to process life as it was. I coped by disassociating, shoving down feelings and abiding anywhere but in the here and now. Even typing that brings me back to when fear and breathing were the same thing.
I can spout out loud, "It is what it is" a gazillion times, while underneath that I am muttering, "damn it anyway."
It's such an old story line of mine. Will I ever shake it off? Learning to process life as it is feels like a trick that will end with someone thumping me a good one when I'm not looking. And shame on me for not seeing it coming.
And yet.
And yet.
Retraining my mind will continue.
3 comments:
I have trouble with that, too. But I keep trying to convince myself that worry is useless unless I have the very real potential to do something to change the consequences that worry me. That's hard, too. Even when I have no control over anything, I worry. So, I suppose, the challenge is to change oneself. I keep trying, but it hasn't stuck just yet. One day. All we can do is be who we are.
I went to a morning retreat before Christmas and part of the reflection was about a line the speaker (a young nun) had heard: "Deliver me from the temptation of wishing things were otherwise." It reminds me of the quote in your picture, but with a slightly different angle. It really struck a chord with me because I find much of my anxiety comes from focusing on what has gone wrong and/or what I wish were different, instead of finding ways to cope with the way things are. Her examples varied from the simple - "I wish I had worn my warm socks" - to the more profound: "I wish I weren't the person I am" kind of thoughts. I can tell I'm being bothered by anxiety when my youngest says things like "Why does your face look like that?" As I'm typing this, I'm not sure if this has anything to do with what you are explaining, but it triggered a chain of thoughts! Peace be with you!
Because I am action oriented I always analyze things to death. What could I have done differently? What should I do now? When there isn't anything that can be done it makes us feel powerless like we are giving up. Accepting things the way they are instead of the way we wish they could be frees us to focus on the joy we can create for ourselves today. We can stop blaming ourselves for things we had no control over and move on. For me I was a child when I got the idea that life was just a series of crisis that I had to control. When I couldn't control them I shut down. This has kept me from embracing life and I am just now waking from that and opening myself up to happiness.
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