Showing Up Part Three

Dearest one and I both had appointments in town today.
When we woke up neither of us felt like
going through the motions of getting ready and heading out the door
for a 150 km round trip.
Energizer bunny looked sad that we were going away.
But here we are.
Tired, but here.

In therapy today I looked at a list of questions
about the process of zoning out in the midst of my day.
I think it is so second nature to me to do so that to
identify when I'm doing it is going to take some work.
Never mind assessing what I do not only in my head but in my body
when I check out of the present moment.

No wonder I've had such a struggle
with being disciplined
in contemplative prayer.
But this is the second week
of consistently showing up for those 20 minutes set aside
to be present in the moment.
I used to look at the timer when I'd sat for 10 minutes.
Often feeling like they were the longest 10 minutes of my life.
Now I look when there's anywhere from 1 to 4 minutes left.
Being quiet, being present, being open.
Who would have thought it would be so hard.