Everything Belongs

I headed out for town early Saturday morning, hoping to get the grocery buying done before my AA meeting. I was about 50 kms from home when I heard this funny beeping. I was listening to the radio at the time and thought to myself that the beeping didn't fit in with the song. Duh. It took a bit before I turned off the radio only to still hear the beeping. I looked down at my dashboard and saw the van's temperature gauge was as high as it could go. I brought the van to a stop at the side of the road and phoned dearest one. I really don't like carrying a cell phone, so much so that I couldn't tell you my cell phone number. [a few months ago I was reviewing caller ID's on the phone before I deleted them all when I saw an unknown cell phone number on my phone with dearest one's name attached to it. In short order I thought to myself, that man has gone and got youngest son a cell phone in his name without consulting me. Instantly I was having an imaginary fight in my head, ready to defend my opinion of that. Thankfully I realized it was my cell phone number on the screen before I opened my big mouth. I'm embarrassed to admit how long it took to recognize it!]

I was pretty thankful for the cell phone as I sat at the side of the road. I was also glad for my purse that youngest son affectionately calls the black hole. I carry a lot of stuff in that bag and to pass the time while I waited for the tow truck I read my favourite Anthony DeMello little book and some of a pocket Thomas Merton. Some women carry makeup in their bags, I carry books. [Once when I went to a retreat I left my bible at home. In the midst of a discussion at the retreat we needed a bible and I said I usually carried one but had left it at home. One of the women looked at me and said, "Yep, you're going to need your bible when you go to the grocery store but not at a retreat." We laughed.]

Despite reading Anthony DeMello I get attached to lots of things - like my van. By many people's standards it's old. It's got over 300,000 kms on it yet I'm hoping it's a fixable head gasket rather than a totally shot motor. We don't make vehicle purchases very often and I'd rather keep this one going a few more years than invest in another one. When dearest one gets some time off he'll be able to see if it's salvageable.

Today I had an appointment with Fr. Charlie and I braved the road with our 1979 Ford half ton. Dearest one was in the midst of getting it road worthy again when the van crapped out so I was thankful to have a vehicle to drive. No muffler though. I kept expecting the cops to pull me over and give me a ticket. I kept my foot off the gas as I drove past the police station, sure that if I gunned it I'd make enough noise that they'd be able to hear me inside the building. With my imagination I pictured a cop making a dash to the cruiser and coming after me. Yes, I know, I don't have enough to occupy my mind with.

Here's a quote that's totally unrelated to this post but is one of my recent favourites:

"Have you been loved well by someone? So well that you feel confident that person will receive you and will forgive your worst fault? That's the kind of security the soul receives from God. When the soul lives in that kind of security, it is no longer occupied with technique. We can go back and do the rituals, the spiritual disciplines, but we longer follow them idolatrously. We don't condemn people who don't do it our way. All techniques, rituals, and spiritual disciplines are just fingers pointing to the moon.

But the moon is the important thing, not the pointing fingers. We stand in adoration before the moon. We sing, Holy, Holy, Holy. We say, "Yes, yes, it is good." We are energized by what we see. And our private darkness is no great surprise. Who cares? Who cares where I am on the ladder of perfection? That's an egocentric question. "Where am I?" "How holy am I?" become silly questions. If God can receive me, who am I not to receive myself -- warts and all?" ~ Richard Rohr in Everything Belongs