Falling

It's been a rough week.
Yesterday I had long acting freezing
injected into both shoulders.
Done as a hopeful alternative
to narcotics
to manage my pain.
I'm feeling too emotionally fragile
to risk scooching all my addictive
behaviour into a new one altogether.
Food, sex and drink are enough already,
don't you think?
Last night was my first pain free sleep
in longer than I can remember.
I slept four hours without even moving.
That is a record.
This morning my worst shoulder feels as if someone
pummeled it though.
I don't want to go back to the drawing board
on this one.
If the freezing works I'll have to get
weekly injections.
Ouch.
But less ouch than
the status quo.

Still with me?

My favourite word is
hope.
But it feels like it's
fading.

Either I'm on such a huge pity pot
that to get off it
is to fall a long ways.
Or I'm facing reality
and wish it was a
mirage instead.