Saturday, October 20, 2012

Jesus Is A Boob Man

I know because he cupped my breast in his hand.

I was in the shower cupping it myself while trying to wrap my head around the reality that soon my breast was going to be replaced with a train track like wound running diagonally across the right side of my chest. I tried to flatten my breast and imagine what flatness would look like. I traced my fingers around the orange sized crater left by the lumpectomy. All the while I was talking to God about it, because, well, that's just what I do. And into my head came a picture of Jesus standing in front of me cradling my breast in his hand and staring into my eyes. If only I could lift my head and stare back. But I couldn't. The thought of Jesus affirming not only the whole of who I am but this part of me, too, left me feeling vulnerable to the core.

So I stood there and let my tears and the shower water mingle reminded that all my grief and gut wrenching pain is being held in hands much bigger than my own.

12 comments:

Daisy said...

(((((((((((((((((((Hope))))))))))))))))))))))

You're very much in my thoughts

Robin said...

Hope, do you have a surgery date?

Prayer and love.

Beautiful post.

Hope said...

Thank you Robin. I was a tiny bit worried that this post would be offensive yet I knew I wanted to write something about it.

Hope said...

Thanks, Daisy.

tina hunt said...

Praying you continue to feel held.

annie said...

Yes, beautiful post, Hope. My thoughts and prayers will be with you tomorrow.

Robin said...

Prayer and hope for tomorrow.

Erin Wilson said...

So moved by this, Hope.
Rather speechless, actually.
But I wanted you to know that I was here, and am praying.

xoxo

roadkills-r-us said...

I don't find this the least bit offensive. It's beautiful. While some would undoubtedly be offended, that's them, not you. Jesus is our lover, and not just of our souls. God cares about everything we care about.

I pray God's incomprehensible, mind-boggling, healing peace and joy for you.

Kristen said...

Beautiful. My heart goes out to you, Hope.

Bill W. said...

I'm trying to think of a way to make this more blasphemous and awful, and, uh.... nope! Can't do it.

Rebekah Grace said...

Hope, I am asking if you would be willing to let me take this "Jesus is a boob man" and copy and paste to my facebook page Life Stories - a page I created to share these very things from every day people. I am totally okay if you are not open to it. You can e-mail me directly, if you would rather at graceandgiggles@comcast.net

Blessings to you!