It has felt like a really long week.
I found myself driving home today
in that twilight zone space
of not being fully awake.
I have slept poorly every night and am on overload.
Sadness has been my constant companion,
like a dull toothache that won't go away.
Sadness is different than self pity.
I'm grateful I can tell the difference.
We moved our offices this week at work
and are still ironing out the bugs.
My head was full of trying to learn new equipment today
when the phone rang.
I raced to get it before it went to voice mail
only to answer it and totally blank out
as to who I was and where I was and
what the hell was that greeting
I was supposed to say again?
I sputtered and stammered
and finally just said a little sheepishly, "hi?"
The person on the other end burst into laughter and I did too.
A few hours later she phoned again
and I remembered the spiel this time.
She heard me out and then told me that was much better.
It felt good to laugh.
I haven't laughed enough lately.
Personally I have been through the wringer this week.
I keep reminding myself that
God gives grace for the situation not the imagination.
My imagination can and does run riot at times.
I have been a poster girl for self will run riot this week.
Not too proud of that.
I am grateful that through it all I had no desire to drink.
That's one victory anyway.
I feel like I've been clinging to hope
a little desperately of late.
Not normal for me.
I'm grateful for the ability
to be gut wrenchingly honest with my Higher Power.
Grateful for a sponsor who tells me what I need to hear
not what I want to hear
because she loves me whole heartedly.
I'm grateful for all your well wishes.
Sorry I'm being vague about details.
I just can't write it out here
without potentially hurting important people in my life.
There was a time when I wouldn't have given a shit
about whether I hurt anyone's feelings.
Today I do.
I'm grateful for that, too.