Thursday, January 15, 2009

Wanting To Mean It

This morning I prayed for someone I have a hugging-close-to-myself resentment towards. I realized that any lingering anger I have towards the perpetrators in my past I was directing like an arrow meant to kill, at this person as if they were the perpetrator. Last week I would have told you I had no lingering anger towards the perpetrators. None. Oh vey.

I prayed according to page 552 of the BB, a section I have high lighted because I (need to) refer to it often.

"If you have a resentment you want to be free of, if you will pray for the person or the thing you resent, you will be free. If you will ask in prayer for everything you want for yourself to be given to them, you will be free. Ask for their health, their prosperity, their happiness, and you will be free. Even when you don'treally want it for them, and your prayer are only words and you don't mean it, go ahead and do it anyway."

I got done praying, felt instantly teary, and then said outloud to God, "I don't know if I mean it. I want to mean it." Then I paused and said more honestly, "I want to want to mean it."
Lord have mercy.


Cat said...

Ahh - I swear this was so cute - I want to want to mean it!!

Thanks for your honesty today it gave me hope!

daisymarie said...

I want to mean it too.

Mary P Jones (MPJ) said...

Oh, there are so many things I want to want to mean! It's hard to let go. Thanks so much for sharing.

Christy said...

This was so true!

Like the other commenters, I have "wanted to want" so many things.

Probably more things than I've wanted NOT to want.

Gabriella Moonlight said...

this sounds like some amazing willingness and it's a miracle indeed. thank you for sharing this!

Prayer Girl said...

The Big Book sure tells us exactly what to do and how to do it. Perfectly clear directions. We're lucky to have such a guide.

I remember when I first came into Alcoholics Anonymous, a girl in my home group used to always say, "pray for the willingness". I loved it and I prayed for the willingness over lots of things. It worked.