Thursday, January 22, 2009

Scarfing It Down

I have one eye on the computer and one on the energizer bunny as I type. She's eyeing my breakfast and waiting to see if I will be distracted enough to not notice her trying to scarf some of it down. Typing that prompted me to move it out of her reach. The other day I put a fresh-from-the-freezer muffin down and the next thing I know the energizer bunny is licking her chops. I looked between her and the still intact muffin and asked if she'd just licked it. She turned her ears down and tried to look preoccupied.
Guilty as charged.

When I was a little kid I opened our big chest freezer and stole a frozen blueberry muffin. I remember crouching down beside the freezer eating it, scared of being caught, unsure what would happen if I was. You never knew what would set my mom to go off like firecrackers.

Tomorrow night I'm going to an all weekend workshop that will guide me through seeing the unhealthy patterns I learned as a daughter which I may have passed down to my own daughter. I am not at all enthused about the weekend. In fact I would be happy if I suddenly got sick and had to cancel. There was a time when I would have manufactured some kind of excuse so I could bow out. This time I'm facing my fear, knowing it won't kill me. I do feel very vulnerable about walking into a situation where I don't know what's going to happen next. I'm only going because my therapist recommended it, certain that it will be a healing weekend for me. My sponsor has been to this workshop before and she said it was very healing. I asked my therapist yesterday if they couldn't give me a schedule of the whole weekend so I could have a heads up as to what was coming next. She smiled at me, knowing how control freakish I can be, and said no.

She could have at least told me if they'll be serving muffins.

8 comments:

Cat said...

It sounds like a wonderful opportunity...

mile191 said...

hey. have given you an award. thanks for being part of my support in healing. you bring me hope. take care.

Christy said...

Sounds like a nightmare to me too.

I tried to be different than my mom, but I haven't been totally successful. Not that she was all bad...

Len said...

I'm hoping there will be muffins - warm comforty ones. Good on you for going.

daisymarie said...

Sounds like an interesting seminar. I would probably leave terrible depressed...I know I've passed on pathetic patterns despite my conserted efforts to not...blueberry bagels would be good too!

Catherine at NurturingHope said...

Brava for your courage, which is action in the face of fear. You are courageous :)

Anonymous said...

I agree that it sounds like a great opportunity and I do understand your reticence. One step, one moment at a time....

Mich

Black Pete said...

Sheba thinks that by looking away from us, she becomes invisible. You are trying, and understandably so, to look away from the session, Hopester. The good news is, you're going to go through with it and come out the other side. Better.