Saturday, July 12, 2008

Pitiful Hope

Thank God his mercies are new every morning.
It's very tempting to not post when I'm in
that head space that makes me feel like a pitiful
example of hope.
Yet to avoid posting then would violate
my belief that we need to know other human beings
are as human as we are.
It's one of the reasons I blog as I do.
And so I let you know.
For those of you who emailed, left a comment,
prayed for me, or simply listened,
thank you.

I read this morning in one of my daily readings
that whining is self pity pushed through a very small hole.
It comes as a result of not taking responsibility for one's life.
As a result of falling back into victim mode.
God help us all.

I spent time yesterday figuring out some things.
Took some action as a result.
Life seems more manageable this morning.
Stepped out of victim mode and took responsibility
for my own life again.

Stopped apologizing to myself
for having needs.
Stopped getting wound up about things
that instead needed me to take action.
When I let myself stay immobilized
I lean back into the numbness
as if it is a gift.
What a lie.

The fog has lifted for today.
Thanks be to God.


Anonymous said...

Yesterday, all I could think to say seemed to me trite. Maybe not, but that's how it seemed so, I failed to say anything at all, which on reflection may have been worse (?) - Anyway, I am grateful your day today has been a better one with greater clarity.

Hope said...

Hey Onionboy - don't sweat it. I often sit at my computer and everything that comes to mind to type as a comment sounds like drivel to my ears and sometimes I type it anyway and sometimes I don't.
Your comments are always appreciated.

annie said...

I've been trying to catch up with my blog reading. Sent you the email before I read your posts I was behind on reading. Your willingness to show that you are human has been a blessing to me.

I am glad today is better for you.