Friday, May 18, 2007

Falling

It's been a rough week.
Yesterday I had long acting freezing
injected into both shoulders.
Done as a hopeful alternative
to narcotics
to manage my pain.
I'm feeling too emotionally fragile
to risk scooching all my addictive
behaviour into a new one altogether.
Food, sex and drink are enough already,
don't you think?
Last night was my first pain free sleep
in longer than I can remember.
I slept four hours without even moving.
That is a record.
This morning my worst shoulder feels as if someone
pummeled it though.
I don't want to go back to the drawing board
on this one.
If the freezing works I'll have to get
weekly injections.
Ouch.
But less ouch than
the status quo.

Still with me?

My favourite word is
hope.
But it feels like it's
fading.

Either I'm on such a huge pity pot
that to get off it
is to fall a long ways.
Or I'm facing reality
and wish it was a
mirage instead.

11 comments:

daisymarie said...

My eyes are full of tears. I just ache with you. Praying for relief.

onionboy said...

May you fall directly into the divine safety net.

wilsonian said...

Tonight I'll be your Aaron, standing along side, holding your hand up to heaven...

Anonymous said...

Wish I could ease that pain, Hope. I will pray.
Mich

Steve F. said...

I live with my sister, primarily because her debilitating pain prevents her from doing the work she needed to do to be able to keep their house. So while I can't say "I know how you feel," I see the results of chronic pain on my loved one's life every single day.

I used to pray that God would fix her, heal her, even help her. Then I stopped praying altogether. Now I pray for strength for both of us to do the next right thing. In a way, I feel I'm praying for a bunch of Garrison Keillor's "Powdermilk Biscuits:" they just give a body the strength to get up and do what needs to be done.

And I can pray for that for you, too, sister.

Anonymous said...

Hang in there, dear.. I will pray as well.. and you are definately NOT a 'huge pity pot'! :)

Gerry

Heidi Renee said...

praying for a gust of wind to blow hope bubbles higher!!

JAS said...

Doesn't getting old and having health issues a pain in the butt. I ended up with Interstitial Cystitis almost 4 years ago and I have to take 15-20 pills a day, which has come down from 30 and I am only 36'ish. Very nice poem.

Jennifer Griffin-Wiesner said...

Just discovered your site. Thanks for your honesty and rawness.

Steve said...

You're in my prayers...

onionboy said...

Continuing to think of you today.