Kinder

This past week has been so full. People. Circumstances. Sadness. Joy. The days held all of it.

I didn't feel like having company come stay for a few days. For the first time ever I looked around the house and saw the mess that it was and thought to myself  the hell with it and, other than making sure the guest bedroom and bathroom were clean, I welcomed distant relatives into my house as I live in it. Not as I would like them to think I do. There simply wasn't any left over emotional or physical energy to care.

The day they arrived my afternoon had been full with a friend whose days are limited, while she had chemo and then a medical procedure. I'd spent the morning at a psychiatric evaluation. I went into it with an attitude that the psychiatrist was on my side and I had an open mind despite being told by several in-the-know people to avoid this particular doctor if at all possible. He turned out to be kind and caring and attentive. I felt heard. I don't have to see him again. That's a bonus.

I enjoyed our visit with our guests quite a bit. It turned out that it didn't matter in the end that we all had to step over toys and socks and odds and ends. The dining room table was clear and we had comfy chairs to sit in after meals. I didn't plan meals and winged it. If you know me at all you know that is not my style. And it turned out fine. You open cupboards and your fridge and figure it out. We didn't go hungry.

We had a few hours of respite after they left before Dearest One's elderly mom was rushed to the hospital by ambulance. I've spent many hours at the hospital since then. The emergency ward is a busy and interesting place. A baby born right outside the doors of the hospital. Emergencies of all kinds coming and going. At one point there were so many paramedics and I heard one of them ask if the hospital had been put on alert so that no one else could be brought to ER by ambulance until things calmed down.

My mother in law has a wonderful sense of humour. She had 11 of her 12 kids in  not much more than a dozen years. I like to imagine her humour saved her sanity more than once. It has been a privilege to sit at her bedside and visit, including the moments when her mind wanders and her facts are all mixed up. Sometimes that is entertaining and sometimes it is heartbreaking. She has been kind and gracious to me my whole married life despite her trying to talk Dearest One out of marrying me the night before we got married. Once those vows were said she welcomed me as a daughter and treated me as such. I know she must have cried in private and prayed a lot. We have long enjoyed one another's company.

And now as I finish writing this it is Monday morning. There is a full day ahead and then some quiet days following. It is all good. It is all a gift.