This is my second day of quiet after a busy start to the week and ahead of a busy weekend. I chose to do nothing yesterday except make supper. It was a relief not to get in the car and go anywhere. I read. I listened to a podcast. I crocheted some more on a blanket I'm making for a charity auction.I cried this week with my friend when she found out that chemo is not working and her cancer has spread. There are moments when it feels like the world stands still.
Yesterday family met with the palliative care doctor and plans were made to move my mother in law to hospice next week. She cried. She has always said she is 16 years old inside. She has been young at heart the whole time I've known her. We hadn't told her about the death of her son in law because she was supposed to have a risky procedure and we wanted to spare her the stress beforehand. They went to do it and found what they think is cancer on her heart. The risks outweighed the benefit of the procedure. She was told yesterday about her son in law. She cried.
I had to stop writing for a few minutes because typing all that made me cry. I love my mother in law. She is the last one living of our parents. There was a long time when she felt like more of a mother to me than my own mother did. She dug deep and loved me when I was not particularly lovable in words or actions. She showed me there could be loving mother in laws in this world.
We will head out to see youngest son and his wife tomorrow. No baby yet. Maybe not for a while. I finished this baby's blanket this week. It's not quite a record but there was one grand baby who was three before I finished her blanket.
We will then go to the funeral of Dearest One's brother in law. His sister lost her husband and welcomed a new grand baby within the space of two days this week. Often this world makes no sense.
Oldest grandchild will come for a sleepover tonight. There is nothing like learning to live in the present than hanging out with a child. I can look forward to laughter. There is always laughter when life includes grandchildren.
2 comments:
You write about grief and loss, and yet it feels to me like a morning devotional. This reads like a slightly different you, someone who accepts the pain of change and impending sorrow and still finds such a beautiful way to express your love for your mother-in-law, and then brings it around to the future, grandchildren. I loved these little drops of wisdom, especially from you, especially now.
Your comment made me cry. It's that kind of day.
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