Sunday, April 22, 2012
Scared
Yesterday as I drove to my home group meeting I prayed to be able to share with honesty and humility. Sometimes I care too much what others think. Sometimes I get so self absorbed that I forgot that it's not all about me.
I had to think about this video and know it to be true. When someone looks like the poster child in AA I don't trust them. It doesn't stop me from wanting to be one. I know - so full of ego. And fear. And pride. There is someone in one of my meetings who comes across as a poster child. I don't trust them. Occasionally the person shares from the gut. Those times I think to myself, okay, I can trust you, now.
The only way I can quiet what is going through my head at a meeting is to decide not to share. That frees me to listen to others. So when I was called on to share I talked from my gut. About waking up in the night and feeling scared and having a talk with God about that. That relatioship is where my hope comes from.
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5 comments:
I read this and I think "gut level honesty." And I think about good and necessary and hard it really is. Like putting a fragile china egg into the hands of a three year old. What were we thinking? They can't be trusted. They'll just shatter it in their clumsiness. But until we trust them...how will we ever know...how will they ever come to see the beauty?
Glad you shared from the gut :)
I think "from the gut" is where we need to start in any conversation we have with the Almighty. Anything less is just playing games.
Amen.
As I was driving my son home from school to change his clothes this week, I cried out to God...."I just don't know how to do this. I.don't.know.how.to.do.this."
So often my prayers are prayers of apology....I know what i should do in this situation and I am sorry that I didn't do it. But, I was completely honest with my Lord....I have no idea how to do this.....
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