Diddly Squat

I didn't feel like going
to my meeting today.
I wanted to stay home.
A place I have yet to be for more than a night's sleep,
and sometimes not even that,
in nearly 2 weeks.
But you know what?
I went.


I went because I could and this is my home group
and I made a commitment when it became my home group
that I would show up when possible.
And today it was possible.
I just didn't want to.
There are some times when what I want doesn't matter diddly squat.

All this to say that I had an unexpected epiphany
while listening during the meeting.
It wasn't something anyone said.
I was simply sitting there, opening myself up to
whatever God had for me,
when into my head came an answer to something I wasn't even looking for.
I had to gulp so I wouldn't start sobbing.
It felt like that much of a gift.

Later dearest one and I stopped in to visit a fried who most likely does not have a whole lot of time left to live. We don't know for sure but we wonder.
And we visited with him and his spouse and had a lot of laughs.
Belly laughter.
A gift.

I marvelled at our friend's merry face in the midst of pain and suffering.
It was as if his face was lit up from the inside.
Part of me wanted to take his arm, matchstick that it has become,
and shake him while asking why the laughter, why the light when
death seems to be creeping in? How is it possible?
But today was not a day for those kind of questions.
At least not of him.


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