It's been a long day.I write that as a starting sentence to most of my posts
and then I delete it because I think it sounds whiny.
Tonight I don't care because I am bushed.
Last night I made myself up a list of things
to accomplish today.
Every third item was "write."
I had grand plans to get many words written today
on the second draft of my novel.
Tomorrow is the deadline for another 2500 word rewrite.
But you know, I couldn't get rid of the nagging thought
that I needed to phone my sponsor and offer to help
her with her garden today.
She has been away in city far away as her husband
gets radiation treatments for his inoperable cancer.
She stopped in last night on her way home
and it was so good to connect again.
So there I was weeding in her garden when I said to God,
"My back and dearest one's knee are going to hurt like hell
tonight because of this. Could you like, you know, make the pain go away because we're doing a good deed here."
And into my head came the thought that um, sacrifice isn't really sacrifice
if it doesn't cost you something.
Oh, right. And I chuckled to myself.
Tonight I feel a good weariness.
The kind that comes when you've done
fulfilling physical work.
I sat at the computer tonight without the foggiest idea what the next sentence in my book was going to be. I just about decided not to write at all because I was too tired to think straight. I had no idea how I was going to solve a dilemna in the story when I closed my eyes and put myself into the scene. And what should happen but one of the characters said something to another character and the dilemna was solved. I know that sounds weird. It sounds weird to me, too.
7 comments:
Oh, Hope, I know that kind of deep aching tired from doing hard gardening for someone else. It used to be for my mother. Now it is for AA friends (my sponsor, too!), my aunt, my daughter. It is fulfilling, as you say. And then, afterwards, as you ponder your lack of ideas in your tiredness, your Higher Power inspires you, almost like a thanks for good work done. Awesome!
Have you ever noticed (I know you have) how amazing it feels to have worked really really hard over the course of a day and to feel exhausted, fully exhausted... having worked each muscle focusing all the power into the project?
I always sleep really well in contemplation of that kind of job, well done.
:)
Hope you did too!
Sometimes, it really has been a long day.
I love a "good weary" feeling. Perhaps that one character was God's thank you for your service. None of it sounded weird to me...
Are you familiar with Dorothea Brande? She was a writer who wrote a rather classic book on creativity. I had it once but it was long ago. Anyway, what I remember most was the chapter called "a floor to scrub." She realized that she got her best ideas scrubbing the floor. Something about low-level physical activity that frees the mind. Today, I think of it as a moving meditation. I know I get my best ideas on the treadmill. Congrats on the day and the book.
Ah, the happenstance of it all!
I love it when things come together like that.
It doesn't sound weird to me. It sounds magical. I want that kind of magic.
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