Motives

I found this quote on the Brennan Manning Message Board:

There is nothing all that bad about mixed motives, unless we think they are pure. ~Falconbrother

Admitting to mixed motives is hard on the old ego. Today I am going to see my spiritual director, who also happens to be the priest at my parish. Last week when I was trying to find someone to do the music at my friend's funeral he asked me several times if I had tried this one particular couple. Eventually I told him that the music was really important to my friend's sister and this couple just wouldn't fit the bill. I believed that was true at the time. I had the hardest time finding anyone to do the music and consequently I ended up with an organist and no soloist. Today I am going to tell him it was pure projection on my part. I didn't like the way the couple did music so I crossed them off my mental list. At the time I would have argued that I had no mixed motives - that my motives were pure. In hindsight - well, you know how clear hindsight is.