Thursday, June 16, 2005

Bobble Headed Reality

This parenting thing just does a number on my (bobble)head some days. I find myself wanting to call a prolonged time out. A time out so long that I don't have to deal with reality until life goes a little more to my liking. I can hear you chuckle. I know, I know, it just doesn't work that way. Denial and reality are not compatible. Not even in my dreams.

That is probably a good thing. But boy, the stretching in my soul feels like my gravity bound skin is going to have me dragging on the ground before too long.

One of my sons is dating a girl I'd rather he wasn't. I was once that girl to another mother and that complicates it. It should make it easier but it doesn't. My(future)mother-in-law handled it well. She gave me an example of grace in motion. I feel like I am trying to drive a standard car and extending whiplashes of grace with every change of gears. Bobble headed here I come.

This son of mine is very forthright. He has come to me with several heart stopping reality questions. Like this: "Hey mom I know you aren't cool with my dating her and I know it is a mom thing to a certain extent, but you may have something objective I need to hear so tell me okay?" Sputter - sputter. And this: "Mom, I think you are carrying your baggage into my relationship with her and that isn't fair." Choke. Choke. "Mom, I sense this tension anytime I talk about her and I want to know why." I tell him I'd rather he wasn't dating her. He tells me he'd rather know that upfront than have it hanging in the air between us. Gulp.

His habit of being upfront and the consequences of me being forced to be upfront in return makes me feel like I am failing. His upfrontness sounds so mature. Every word of honesty coming out of my mouth in response sounds just the opposite. He reassures me I am handling things just fine. (Aren't I supposed to be reassuring him?)

But you will know it's me when you see a woman walking around with her gravity prone body (soul)stretching to the ground and her head wobbling around all bobble headed. I should patent that figure and have it included in a welcome home baby and mom newborn gift pack. I can just imagine the parents thinking it refers to (post partum) skin sags and bobble headed (lack of sleep) fuzzy brain. Now that is a reality/denial combination I am content to let be.

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