Thursday, July 10, 2008

Will I?

Will I show up for my own life?
That's the question that's hounding me of late.

6 comments:

Black Pete said...

From all indications, you're in the front row, left. :)

Lisa said...

mmm... this question rattled around my heart and made me cry, just a little this morning. thanks.

Steve F. said...

It was author Ted Menten who said that the answer to most questions was contained within the question. "Will my life have meaning?" is answered simply by "My life WILL have meaning."

I'm with my brother Black Pete - you can't struggle with life from a distance. If you're wrestling with what Michael Card calls the rhythm and rhyme of the poem of your life, then you've already shown up, sister.

Not only tht, but you simply cannot have affected others as you have if you haven't "shown up."

Don't think for a minute that I don't understand the question, though. I see the wreckage of my past, and it seems like I have been around life, but rarely a part of life. I am facing some challenges of my own, and my first and strongest temptation is to run away - very, very fast.

It's how I've been raised, how I've been trained - so it's not surprising that the desire to do "the ostrich maneuver" ("If I can't see you, you can't hurt me")is a strong one.

When I watched the movie Secondhand Lions, I wept openly - at the two men who took no prisoners, who took every chance to live fully. I still weep every time I see Dead Poets Society and hear Robin Williams' line about "sucking the marrow out of life." I wonder how much, if any, of my life that I have "seized the day," rather than just let it run like sand between my fingers.

But every day that I wake up, sober and suckin' air, I have a chance. I may squander it, or miss it somehow. But God's mercy is new, every morning.

Just know that your restless longing is not yours alone to bear. So many of us hear that distant drummer...and in each sunrise, we have another chance. I do - and so do you.

Hope said...

Left, I like that Pete.
Lisa - I hear you.
Thank you steve. Thank God for second chances.

much2ponder said...

I can relate to this simple, yet heart wrenching question...you are not alone and you are loved.

annie said...

I can relate as well, and I think there is much wisdom in steve f's answer.