Tuesday, July 15, 2008

That Place Within

I'm sitting here wearing the same toque I wore for my morning walk and it's nearing bedtime. I never got it together to have a shower and carry on after I came in from outside. Dearest one is working the night shift and that often curbs my daytime activity. Not that I need a reason. Tonight is his first night shift and I've been mostly inactive for days already. A combination of that inactivity that is fully interior with the outer kind that means the newspaper's gathering dust on the floor and the laundry hamper is overflowing.

Today I remembered something I've heard in an AA meeting more than once: "pray for guidance, then do whatever's in front of you." It was said in response to some one's "paralysis by analysis". I think I fit that category. Paralyzed by thinking, over thinking. Even over thinking why I can't seem to put together a blog post that comes from that place within - that place which seems just beyond my reach at the moment.

Remembering to do the next thing in front of me means the day's dishes are drying on the counter instead of piled by the wayside. Doing the next thing in front of me - that seems realistic and possible no matter how hard it is to shut off my brain. I've been in a funk for how many weeks now? Many. I don't have a clue what the answer is other than to simply accept this is where I'm at and to remind myself it's not a permanent state.

"Pray for guidance, then do whatever's in front of you."

I was grateful I rememebered that saying this afternoon. Having the dishes washed as a result feels good.


daisymarie said...

I found a wonderful little book when I began the journey back into life called "Red Sea Rules". It's quite basic, but I like simple things. Anyway, one of the rules is to do the next logical thing. Sometimes it's just the hardest thing to do.

Sue said...

Hope, you have no idea how much I needed these words today. I hope you don't mind if I quote them on my blog.


Hope said...

I don't mind at all Sue.

Anonymous said...

Don't be so hard on yourself Hope. I have been there too. sometimes it is because if I cannot do everything perfectly, why bother at all, my best or not so best has to be good enough for me most days, after all, what's wrong with a few dirty dishes? LOL