A friend sent this to me today and it describes my current journey so well. I’ve been struggling to mentally stay afloat for many months. It is a daily struggle to do the barest of daily tasks. I wake in the morning and ask myself what would an adult do? Then I get up and wash my face and brush my teeth. Somehow doing those two tasks feels like a win. I’m getting better at having a shower more frequently but that continues to be a struggle that’s largely dictated by whether or not I need to go out of the house on any given day. The same goes for getting dressed.
When I whine to my therapist how pathetic I’ve gotten she reminds me of all the huge hurdles I’ve faced in the past 17 months. It’s been non stop since my foot injury really, including 10K kms for medical trips in the past 6 months.
Sometimes I look back at what I used to be able to do and miss the energy required to get things done. I don’t miss the pressure I put on myself to clean the house weekly from top to bottom. These days Dear One takes care of the kitchen and our house cleaner comes biweekly to wash floors, vacuum and clean bathrooms. This past long weekend I gave myself one little job to do. An accumulation of clothes and stuff was in a large mound on the floor by my side of the bed. I wanted it all sorted and put away. It took me two tries to get it done. I found a Christmas tablecloth and table runner in the pile so that tells you how long the mound had been there.
I’m determined to keep doing what I can to not fall into a pit of despair. I will keep rising for another go.
~ Hope
