Saturday, May 11, 2013


"The medical establishment is not going to validate what happened to you. You are going to have to do that yourself."

I sucked in a deep breath at my grief counsellor's words. I instantly knew what had been triggered all along by the lack of validation from the medical community. I gazed into the fireplace in his office and jiggled my leg in a furious kind of way as I remembered childhood stuff where no one in authority was willing to step forward and validate what was happening to me.  Remembering the time I thought to myself  'where are the adults and why aren't they doing anything?'

What a tender spot was pushed by his words. I have thought them over for the past month and while I don't exactly know what it looks like to validate my story, something is shifting within me. Slowly and surely the fog is lifting. I am finding bright spots in my days and last week, after a particularly happy day, felt such relief that happy days were possible again.


Robin said...

Sounds like you have a great counselor.

When I conveyed some of my thoughts about my body to the nurse-practitioner at my one-year visit, she said in surprise, "Most women do very well with this."

I realized then that it's important to them to believe that. And it's probably true. But I think that "doing well" can include expressing regret and revulsion about a 12" scar and a lumpy lump where a breast used to be. Just not to Them.

Hope said...

I agree that 'doing well' can include those things, Robin. To me 'doing well' is about honesty. I'm realizing that many people find it hard to be honest about the journey and I wonder if it is because they don't have people in their life who can journey with them through the reality.

Peter said...

You're validating yourself n this blog, Hope, and probably elsewhere in your life, too.

Daisy said...

It's amazing how shining a light on something we'd thought we'd already dealt with can have such an impact in other areas of our lives. I applaud your honesty, Hope.

Your thoughts make me think back to when my favourite aunt had her mastectomy back in the '60's. Back then, I was a little kid and definitely unaware of all the emotional subtleties involved. But suddenly, I see her in a different light and I can only hope to be as resilient and as gracious as she seemed to be. And I do recall her sense of humour.

You have given me the behind the scenes feelings that she must have gone through.

Rebekah Grace said...

Beloved, we validate our story by giving words to it. Even when partial comments found in our spam folders want to scare us quiet. Walk strong. Write stronger. Even when you feel like you're whining. Much love and grace to you, today and always. ~ Rebekah

Heidi Renee said...

whoa. this is exactly what i needed to hear (this and the swearing one...) so glad for bright spots! thank you, you were mine this morning.

Mary Christine said...

It is so good to hear that there are some bright spots coming back to your life.