Sunday, December 30, 2012

Snippets Of Life

** drain tube #2 came out Boxing Day. So far so good. When Dearest One was helping get the tensor bandage back on again this morning I lamented that I just wanted to be done with needing help getting dressed and presentable. Tomorrow is ten weeks post mastectomy. Dearest One reminded me that some people don't get to ten weeks post mastectomy.

I feel like a two year old when they wrestle their clothes away from you because they want to do it themselves. Perhaps in a week or so I will be able to do that minus the wrestling. Simple things that can both irritate the heck out of me when I can't do them and bring me joy when I can. The rest of the time I take them completely for granted.

** I made the mistake of shopping for clothes on Boxing Day. Looking in the mirror with a lovely new top on without wearing a prosthesis brought me close to tears; the grief enveloping me from head to toe. Reminder to self to never go shopping for clothes without two breasts, a fake one will do.

** new drug for blocking estrogen is giving me morning sickness like symptoms. Twenty four hours a day. Not sure I can do this for five years. Hopefully it will lessen. So far ginger tea hasn't helped settle the tummy.

** it's also giving me mood swings which I haven't had in years. I don't miss them one bit. Neither does Dearest One. Not sure I can do five years of PMS like symptoms either. I have bitten my lip a hundred times over the past few days. I am grateful that years of practising restraint of pen and tongue means that not every single thing that I think needs to be said out loud. And that I don't believe everything I think helps too.

** am going to see Les Miserables tomorrow. I saw The Hobbit a few days ago. That's more movies in one week than I've seen in a theatre in years.

** went to a family gathering yesterday with 40+ people. First time I've participated in playing games in the 30 years I've been a part of this family. Turns out a person can change and enjoy themselves in the process. Was good to put a crack in the "But I don't (fill in the blank)" rut I can so easily stay in.






8 comments:

Lisa said...

This post - all of it - the little joys, the cracks in the ruts, brought a huge smile to my face. Sending you hugs and prayers as we head into 2013.

Lisa said...

also, boo to the morning sickness like feeling!
and I may have giggled at the decision to never go shopping with only one boob, all the while feeling just how demoralizing it must have been :) (did I mention that I have a deep appreciation for darkish humor?)

Hope said...

Dark humour is a must!! I relish it too.

Daisy said...

Just came back from Les Miserables. As difficult as it is, I will refrain from commenting on it so as not to spoil any of it for you.

Hobbit is next for me.

Hoping the upset stomach passes soon for you. Btw, I knew you were brave but to go shopping on Boxing Day?! Even braver than I thought...

Peter said...

Don't look now, Hopester, but you are kicking butt, as it were.

Erin Wilson said...

As long as you still need help getting dressed, you might just block out some extra time for your husband to have his hands all over you. Just saying. Sounds like a rather convenient benefit :)

tina hunt said...

So easy to be a rut and not realize it...you're valuing of present and being present doesn't leave much room for that, I don't imagine.

annie said...

I hope the tummy and the hormones will settle down a bit after not too much longer.

Prayers for you, Hope...