Saturday, May 19, 2012

Mirror, Mirror

Oh, what the heck, might as well write a new post. Better than letting stuff stew in my head. I've heard people say they've never been to a bad recovery meeting. Don't believe it. Today's meeting did teach me something and had I not given a friend a ride I would have walked out in the middle of it. I truly wish this meeting had a no cross talk rule because it was all about cross talk today. The poor guy who bore the brunt of it had made himself vulnerable at the beginning. I don't recall him asking for advice. His wounded, broken, vulnerable self was written all over his face. I recognized that look. I've seen it in my own face. Advice never helped me while in that state. Ever. Which is probably what I was reacting to. What I really wanted to do was to tell them to leave him alone. I didn't. I do need to remember how easy it is for me, too, to think I know what someone else needs to hear, as if my words will perfect their life. Christ have mercy.


Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

I sometimes loose track too... thinking THEY'RE ALL WRONG, instead of what can I do to help. I've watched meeting after meeting change with my willingness to become vulnerable, pray and share my experience in those first considerations... my sharing what it felt like to be afraid to go in a meeting where people were going to look at me, or try to talk to me directly when all I wanted was to just be there and try to get something ... something.... the experience of not wanting to talk to another soul after because I was so freaked out, embarrassed, angry...and just wanted to run to my car and go home....

That experience may save another hopeless alcoholic who is caught in that experience and doesn't know that another human being is there WITH them, realizing the hopelessness of THEM who have so much power to drive me out. They always seem to have so much power when I don't have that Spiritual understanding. :)

It's a miracle that we come back over and over isn't it?


mile191 said...

Sounds so true. And so wrong.

Thank you for the reminder.

Have a blessed day.


owen swain said...

Had no idea you were back to blogging until I did my once a month or so check on my old rss feeds. It's nice to have you back. Wondering if you got my epistle? I sent it shortly before your away trip. God bless you Hope.

Catherine said...

I hope I am responding to the right post. I TOTALLY relate to the need for no cross-talk. It has prevented me from raising my own hand many times.
Also I struggle to remember that it is not MY problem what is happening. I have no control (except to walk out, which I have certainly done).


Catherine said...

I was literally rubbing the sleep out of my eyes to see if I had written this. Can I take this post to my meeting and slap them all over the walls like "Wanted" signs?

That drives me crazy. I have left meetings because of it. And it is rampant where I live. I have refrained from sharing when I had gone to the meeting desperately needing to share. The speaker just kept blabbing and psychoanalyzing and interrupting between each share that I wanted to scream.
I, like you, have wondered if it is my own problem... But I really think it is something that needs to be addressed in our groups. AAArgh.