Thursday, July 15, 2010

The Leg Bone's Connected To The.....

It's been a full week. Only daughter was here looking after our place while we were gone and then stayed a few extra days to visit. I got very teary after saying goodbye to her at the airport. It's been a wonderful week.

There has been so much sunshine these past few weeks that I asked myself today if I was a little bit off kilter for being continually grateful for sunshine. Because I am. I can't seem to get enough of it. On second thought that's a little like being too grateful for life itself. That's impossible. I'll continue to be grateful for the sunshine. No questions asked.

Tomorrow will come a dose of daily reality. Back to dishes and housework and writing. I look forward to the routine.

Dearest one will fix the leaky toilet. We hope it hasn't rotted the floor to kingdom come by now. We discovered the leak just before we left on holidays. We know we need to replace this 40 year old trailer we call home but we hope we still have a few years yet to do so. It may be a toilet that decides our fate. You know that ditty about the leg bone connected to the hip bone and so on? Well the floor beneath the toilet is connected to a whole lot of other floors. And walls.

Last night we welcomed friends over for the evening. We sat around the camp fire and the 6 of us laughed and talked and hashed out life as it is. I am so grateful for friends with whom I can be gut honest with and who will journey with me no matter what. We've been meeting in one another's homes on a weekly basis for 10 years now. I hope to grow old with them.

We always end our evenings together with prayer. I don't like praying out loud among other people. It's just not my thing. I can't seem to get my ego out of the way and so I stay silent. It feels like the most honest thing I can do. I rarely feel like I'm talking to God in those situations. Mostly I feel like I'm trying to impress someone. If I were to talk to God in front of others like I do on my own, well, it just seems too private of a conversation. So I don't. There are other situations and times though, when it seems the exact right thing to do, to pray with someone and so I do. I don't even know why I'm talking about this here. I feel like I'm the only Christian who has an aversion to praying aloud with others.

At an AA meeting once we had someone from the US there and we all got fouled up on the Lord's Prayer at the end of the meeting. Afterwards he informed us that we Canadians didn't have the right rhythm when we prayed it. So of course I'm as curious as anything about that. As it is now there is one guy who is often at my home group and I have to block his voice out when we pray because I lose my place. What a funny thing to do, have private pissing contests as to who is praying the Lord's Prayer right.

Lord have mercy on us all.



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5 comments:

Lisa said...

oh my goodness, you are so not the only one! I HATE praying outloud. Okay, well, hate might be language that's a bit strong, but it's definitely not my favorite, for all the reasons you mentioned... On the other hand, sometimes it feels just right too...

TechnoBabe said...

For me, prayer is such a personal thing so I don't pray out loud either. But some people are comfortable with it. Your group of friends sound a strong and healthy blessing in your life.

Daisy said...

Other than saying the Lord's Prayer with others, I'm not comfortable praying out loud. (Now I'm wondering about the rhythm...) I grew up Catholic and it just wasn't in the "training." Sometimes I force myself to do it when I'm just with my family.

Mich

PS. My word verification was "effed". Ha! and Yikes! :)

Mary Poppins NOT said...

Oh, I hate praying out loud, even with my husband. It feels fake to me.

Except, there is one lady at my church, who is so humble, so sincere, and so loving, I actually felt authentic when we prayed together once, outside an abortion clinic.

I guess that means I feel vulnerable when I pray out loud. I don't like feeling vulnerable. Not one bit.

Enchanted Oak said...

I feel like you do about praying aloud in a group. My little group has been meeting for six or seven years, and I still feel like a dolt about praying. It always amazes me when a good pray-er speaks up in the group. How do they think of this stuff? I was raised Lutheran and we never make up prayers. We pray the old prayers that are written down. You have to juggle so much in a prayer, like first do the praises, then mention the requests and claim the victory, lift everyone's spirits a little, etc. and sign off with thanksgiving and more praises. I guess I'm pretty much a please and thank you kind of person, not a good conversationalist with God. Anyway, you aren't the only tongue-tied Christian. Thank God, now I know that neither am I!