Wednesday, June 02, 2010

Across The Prairies

You know you're sick when
you book an appointment for a student
and when they come back an hour later
to discuss another issue you offer
to make them an appointment again
and they hold up the appointment card
with your own handwriting on it
that you wrote an hour ago
and you have no memory of it.
That was way too long of a sentence.

I puked my way to town this morning.
It's hard to drive and puke at the same time.
I stayed home yesterday
and would have stayed home today
except all other staff were out of town
and we had students coming in for a
weekly teleconferencing class.

So I stayed until they were done
and went home right on their heels.

Tonight we planted the garden.
It was my idea.
It's late getting into the ground.
I bitched and moaned my way through
dropping seeds into rows.
I'd forgotten that I am a whiny sick person.
It's supposed to rain tonight
and I wanted those seeds in the ground
to take advantage of the moisture.

Tomorrow we are headed on a trip
to see family 600 miles away.
I am hoping I don't puke my way
across the prairies.
I am trusting that tomorrow will
be better than today.
I am grateful to be sober
and to be welcomed at a family event.
That could so totally be a different story.

My writing instructor commented today
that I seemed a little intense.
I laughed out loud at his statement.
Ya think?
A few of us talked outside the meeting
last weekend about how intense we each were.
I wonder if that is a common trait among alcoholics.

I wish I didn't think of it as a negative trait
but I do.
My boss is not an intense person at all.
I began to get an inkling that I could be
when she would hold up her hand
like a stop sign,
and preface what she wanted me to do
with, You don`t have to do it this minute.
Which made me realize I`d been jumping up from my desk
to do whatever task was required.
Funny how other people can show us who we are
without directly pointing it out.
Now I try to stay glued to my seat when she talks.

I`ll be offline until Sunday.
Have a great weekend.

7 comments:

Daisy said...

Happy trails, Hope. Here's hoping you feel better soon.

Mich

Em said...

I hope you feel better :( being sick sucks. and maybe 'intense' is a good word to describe me :) thanks

Enchanted Oak said...

That intensity is something I relate to. With sobriety I now get periods of time when I feel flat, when my head seems empty. Something's wrong, I think. But when I run it by my sponsor, she says, do you think maybe you are experiencing the absence of chaos? Maybe you are in the midst of serenity? Ha! Now I take the peace when it comes and relax into it.
Have a great trip. Enjoy the family. See you when you get back.
love, Chris

Melissa said...

I really hope you are not puking across the prairies. Ugh.

And I've been called intense. You know, once or twice. *Chuckle* My dad was that way too. Perhaps it really is a commonality among us.

Andrew said...

Wow Hope. You have my respect.

To keep on going with what needs to be done while very ill and not complaining is commendable.

There is a new recovery blogger who could use some support, and since I like her, I am going to promote her.

Kathy H. at http://avaguesense.blogspot.com/2010/06/anxiety.html

Black Pete said...

You? "Intense!?" Must have meant your doppelganger! :)

Anonymous said...

I see you. I know you. I read you, and I hope you keep writing, because the contents of your mind are something the universe needs. Thanks for your thoughts...