Thursday, November 05, 2009

A Form Of Prayer


I light these candles often. I call them my prayer candles. The pretty blue one on the far left is lit for Pam and her family. As I light the candles I say out loud the name of the person I am praying for. Today is a day of praying mostly for people who have had loved ones die. Some I know personally, some are in the news. As I lit the last one I teared up and cried. Being teary is my least favourite vulnerable feeling. Even when I am all alone like I am this morning. Years ago a nun told me that tears are a form of prayer. You can't see it in this picture but the little bowl has the words "let it be" inscribed in it. I have a rock with the word Hope in it, too. I like to think of leaving my cares in that bowl.

Anyway I went looking for something on youtube to cheer myself up. I found this:


It made me tear up too.
Happy tears.
My mom played this soundtrack when I was little.
When I left home I took that piece of vinyl with me.
As part of an ongoing amend I no longer play it at 7 in the morning, full blast, just to piss someone off as part of a payback scheme for pissing me off. Not one of my more brilliant moments. It's been 30 years and I'm betting that long ago neighbour doesn't wince and think of me when he hears this song. Actually I played the Goatherd song full blast that morning. Hurts my ears just thinking about it. I'm grateful I've learned to give voice to my feelings instead of resorting to passive aggressive moves to get my point across.

5 comments:

Gabriella Moonlight said...

Hope this is so powerful, I've been told that tears are prayers given to us by God and that they are our vehicle to heal with...took me years to fathom that.

Your post is brave today...I loved every word and inch of it...

Love to you
Gabi

Steve E. said...

PG has seven candles burning every evening, and I know for whom they burn, carrying thoughts and prayers upwards, or outwards, or somewhere...maybe right HERE?

Hope, you are inspiring to read.
Thank you
Peace

Tall Kay said...

This was so beautiful Hope. I can just see you there lighting those candles. If tears are a form of prayer, I have been praying a lot these last few days. Maybe I should try lighting some candles too. Thanks for these words.

mile191 said...

You are so inspiring. Very lovely post and very full of hope. Thanks.

I love this part: Being teary is my least favorite vulnerable feeling.

You wrote that and I felt it in my heart for it is how I feel these days...I cant control it, and it is not always about me. I cry for everyone.

hugs, and hope, Mile 191

enchantedoak said...

What a soft and compassionate heart you have! I'm glad to come here and get a dose of your love for humanity and your honesty about your own journey.
Chris