Sunday, August 16, 2009

Hearing Myself Think

Moments into being at my home group AA meeting yesterday I shared laughter with friends. Instantly I noticed just how tight and tense I had been. I'd had several days of appointments with people who cut through the crap with me which left me facing stuff that I'd like to ignore, but that wouldn't be the wisest choice, would it? Thank goodness God gives grace for the situation and not the imagination.

Good meeting. Great people. Good sharing. Just what I needed.

This morning I have no spoons. Not sure I have the energy to even have a shower. A day of gentle self care is in store. We spent the day yesterday helping oldest son and his bride of nearly a year(!)move into a bigger place. It felt good to not be the one moving. In the midst of cleaning I realized that 16 years ago on that day we moved. That was 4 houses ago now. Anyway, as I cleaned I was totally happy to use one of my favourite cleaning products. I am no house cleaner. I have stuff all over the place. It is a struggle for me to have a clean house on any day. But using that product makes me smile and gives me a feeling of accomplishment. The shine can't disappear in a day.

I have one more week left until I go back to work. I had planned on a quiet week of no appointments, no outside the house happenings, but that dang tooth that I broke the other day will need attention tomorrow. That's when my dentist returns from holidays and my mouth/throat/neck gland is pretty sore on one side already. I had thought because the broken tooth itself didn't hurt it wouldn't hurt to leave it to get attended to until the dentist came back from vacation. However, every time I talk, swallow, eat, or drink, my tongue runs over a sharp edged crater. It's done it so much I have a canker sore on the underside of my tongue. In an effort to not be in pain I am talking much less.There's a conspiracy in there somewhere!

Youngest son moved to town yesterday, to join oldest son and his bride at their new digs. We are now empty nesters. I have mixed feelings about that. More positive than not but it is an adjustment. When people hear that both dearest one and I drive 150km round trip daily to work they ask if we've thought of moving to town. We have, but we value our privacy and quiet out here on the farm. Of course at the end of a work day we'd like to be a 10 minute drive from home but in summer and on weekends, when we don't have to go anywhere, it sure is nice to sit on the deck or around a campfire and hear ourselves think.

Which is the only thing I'm going to be able to do if I don't get my tooth fixed soon.

5 comments:

Black Pete said...

Your toothy is fine--your gum is infected and you are likely to get a dose of antibiotics. I suspect that you will be high on your dentist's tsk tsk list for leaving things go. You might check your body temperature while you're at it, and I suspect that's elevated a notch. That, Hopester, could account in part for the spoon shortage: you're fighting an infection.

And then there's all the other stuff...

Hmm, I can hear your thoughts from most of the way across the country... :)

Tall Karen said...

Thank you Hope for your kind (and oh so honest) comments. I do look to my daughters for my own sense of worth. Being a mom and a grandma gave me a sense of purpose, and some days I just feel lost in this world alone. Like today. Just a big fat pity party, really.

Cat said...

I hope you feel better soon.

I always thought , especially now that I have older teens that the day they are both moved out may be a relief, but, then... I just dont know...

VICKI IN AZ said...

Sorry about your owie Hope.

Gabriella Moonlight said...

Tooth stuff is so bothersome, such a small piece in our bodies can cause such pain...hope it gets fixed and you can return to your peaceful abode out in the country listening to yourself think...

Know that I'd love to sit on that deck with you and silently think...

Hugs
G