Gratitude Fix

I'm feeling really irritable this morning....so a gratitude list is in order:

• for good health benefits. Yesterday I was doing errands around town and saw a woman who looked like she's lived a hard life. I could see by the shape of her face that she most likely has no bottom teeth and no dentures. I think I take a dental plan for granted. That's what I thought when I saw her - "Hope you have it good." Last night I broke a tooth. The dentist will fix me up no problem, no money, no worries. That is something to be grateful for.

• for words of wisdom. My therapist has a key phrase she taught me. "What am I pretending not to know?" I have a love/hate relationship with that phrase but it cuts through the bullshit like knife through hot butter.

• for a fridge full of good food. Yesterday was grocery shopping day, something I do about twice a month. I have a little print out on my fridge that reads: "If you have food in the fridge, clothes on your back, a roof overhead, and a place to sleep, you are richer than 75 percent of this world." Kind of puts things in perspective, doesn't it?

• for people who will cut through my bullshit without a second thought. I have an appointment with Fr. Charlie today. He's called me on more bullshit than most anyone in my life simply by being fully present while I hear myself trying to bullshit my way through stuff. His silence can be deafening sometimes, it makes my own words ring in my ears. Today he'll help me sort through some stuff that I'd rather not deal with. I am grateful that I know I can't be healthy journeying solo....I need the input of others to help me keep an even keel.

• for life. "I get to...." is a phrase I use when I need an attitude adjustment. It puts things into perspective from "I have to....(oh poor me)" So for today I get to choose just how much those irritable inner feelings are going to pollute the world around me. And I get to choose whether they'll define my day or not. Part of me wants to milk them for all they're worth. "Cept they aren't worth much other than a potential barometer of some inner shit I need to deal with.