Thursday, May 15, 2008

Rough Mix

Today's mail delivered the rough mix CD of the radio documentary.
I listened to it by myself.
I'm not good at new things in front of others.
Even if I had already read the transcript.
It still was scary.
I'll know at the end of May when it will air.
I got paid for doing this and that feels like a bonus.
My first paycheck for creativity in 20 years.

I feel vulnerable with my story out there.
Very vulnerable.
I will let you know when it will air.
But I might go hide for awhile afterwards.
My older sis told me my dad will forget when
the air date is and my mom won't listen.
I hope that is true.
I really do.


Anonymous said...

Listening to it yourself first would be my tendency as well.

Reading your post reminds me of that interview with Annie Lamott when she spoke about the after-effects of writing stories involving loved ones and how the relationship with her mom went through a rough patch as a result but how it was able to heal and be even better than before. She said it was well worth the heartache. Real healing demands such risk and courage, doesn't it? Dang it.


Hope said...

Yes, dang it.

Hope said...

Yes, dang it.

Hope said...

That would be double dang it. :)

Heidi Renee said...

Oh Hope - all of the good and healing that has come from this so far - I only see that going forward. It hasn't been easy up until this point, but I think it has been worth it.

I know that this next step of releasing it to the air will be worth it too and will bring more healing than you could even imagine.

Having my 20' face (and i don't even want to think of the size of my butt on a movie theater screen) for the 1000 journals documentary without ever having seen it myself has been an exercise in letting go. I have no control now - which I think for me was the major point of my involvement with the project in the first place.

You don't have to hide - I can totally understand the "want to", but you have spoken the truth in love - God is proud of you Hope, and so am I.

Black Pete said...

Ironically, your creative work (and mine, and everyone's) is incomplete until it has been listened to (read, etc) and responded to, and that will and must happen to your documentary piece, as well. That it involves family, which will have its own take and agenda, cannot be helped, but I appreciate that you have some squeamishness on this account, because when all is said and done, our families are human, too, and deserve our respect in some fashion as part of God's Creation.

Hope said...

Thank you Heidi for continuing to be such an encourager on my journey. I wonder who the listeners will be to the piece and how it will affect them. Our stories can be healing for others, too.

Pete - this morning I wrote the producer with some concerns that address the very thing you write of - of our families deserving respect. I'm not convinced the final piece shows that side although there was plenty of it in the taping to draw from. I hope he will change it just a shade to reflect that. But I have no control over it at this point so will have my own letting go to do if it airs as is.

renee altson said...

i am thinking of you as you continue this journey. remember to breathe. you are loved.


daisydreamer said...

coming late... is the place where we ultimately are the strongest for the Word promises: His grace is sufficient in our weakness and by His grace we are strong.

Stand strong brave hope.

onionboy said...

Triple dang it and remember to email us the air check time.

Blessing on you in large portions