Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Feeling the Feelings

The medical procedure I had yesterday
went well.
No tumours.
Good, good news.
The sedative they gave me
left me feeling drunk
when I woke up.
I couldn't walk straight.
I couldn't concentrate.
I didn't make the greatest of sense
when I talked.
When I got home there was a message from the
radio producer.
I called him back.
It's just as bad to call when you feel
like you're drunk
as when you are drunk.
He asked if I had read the transcript
of the documentary yet.
So I opened my email and read it.
I started typing replies.
As in multiple replies.
I open my inbox this morning
to an email from him
basically telling me to calm down.
I was always a happy drunk.
I felt happy last night.
Telling youngest son that
this is what he could look forward to
if I ever relapsed.
Eventually dearest one
suggested I go to bed.
I slept 10 hours straight.
Rationally I know it was the sedative
producing the irrational behaviour in me
yesterday.
But I feel the exact same shame
as if I'd been drunk.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Such good news about the tests, Hope! About the shame, obviously you know that, intellectually, that emotion is out of place here, right? At least, that's how it strikes me. But, I understand that you feel it nonetheless.

Mich

daisydreamer said...

I'm so thankful you got a good report. I pray you were able to sleep off the effects!

onionboy said...

(((HUGS)))